


The Other Side of Fear

by gluedwithgold



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Coming of Age, Falling In Love, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Frottage, Homophobia, Kissing, Love, M/M, Photographer Jensen, Piercings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Punk Jared, Punk Jensen, Schmoop, Shower Sex, Tattoos, Writer Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-13 18:26:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7981636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluedwithgold/pseuds/gluedwithgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared has been waiting for years to get away from Texas so he can finally be who he really is. Jensen has been looking forward to finishing college and moving on with his life. When they wind up roommates, they find out there's a much better way to live.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always, my unending thanks to [non_tiembo_mala](http://archiveofourown.org/users/non_tiembo_mala) and  
> [Dancing Adrift](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift) for their constant and unwavering love, support, encouragement, inspiration and beta reading. I love you both!

**_“Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself._ **

**_Follow your heart and nothing else.”_ **

– Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd

 

Jared shoved the key into the lock, turned it until the bolt sounded a loud snap, then swung the door open. He glanced inside and felt all the tension in his body drain at once. Finally. Pushing through the doorway with his two overstuffed duffel bags slung over his shoulders he stepped into the common area of the suite, then made his way down the short hall to the bedrooms. His eyes darted around until they landed on the door marked ‘3’, then he pushed himself and all his belongings through the door, letting the bags fall to the floor before flopping down on the rickety, metal-framed bed with a loud sigh. He’s finally away, finally at college, finally on his own. Finally, he’s out of fucking Texas.

The slightly off-white brush strokes in the paint on the ceiling began to form patterns as Jared lay there staring at them. He was in no hurry to unpack, to do anything, really – right now, it was enough just being here.

He’d formed his plan to get out when he was 13, and now, five years later he’d finally made it. And three days early, too, thanks to some fast talking and a few lies to the housing office. His story about his ailing grandmother (true) and his parents’ need to travel to Florida to be with her (lie) and how they couldn’t afford their flight as well as his flight if they’d scheduled it for the weekend (true the mid-week flight was way less expensive; lie that his parents couldn’t afford it) had won him early entrance to the dorms due to ‘extenuating circumstances’. In reality, Jared just wanted to get the fuck out as soon as possible.

So Jared was blissfully alone in his suite for the next three days, none of his roommates scheduled to arrive until Friday. So maybe he’d lied to get it, but he fucking deserved a few days to decompress, to let the last remnants of his fucked-up existence in Texas fall away before starting his new life. He’d worked damn hard to get here, studying till he had straight As all through high school, suffering through extra-curricular activities and volunteer work he couldn’t have cared less about – all so his college application would be perfect. He’d managed to score himself a full scholarship, too, so when his parents tried to bully him into staying in Texas he never had the threat of them not paying for school hanging over his head. That was the plan. That’s what he’d worked so hard for – to get out, and get out on _his_ terms.

It wasn’t that his parents were bad people – Jared wasn’t abused or neglected, never lacked for anything he needed, or even most things he just _wanted_. They just didn’t get Jared. He was well aware that a lot of kids had it a hell of a lot worse than he did and he really did appreciate all his parents had done for him. That’s why he’d always kept his mouth shut, even when their comments about his dream of being a writer cut deep. Even when their disapproving glares at his clothing and hairstyles made him so angry he wanted to punch walls. But at the same time, he never gave in, never changed who he was or who he wanted to be no matter how much his family disliked it. And that’s definitely why he never came out to his parents and just excused himself to hide away in his bedroom any time the subject of relationships came up. He didn’t blame his parents, not really. He blamed Texas, and that was exactly why he planned to never set foot in the state again.

An itchiness had crept up as Jared lay there musing, an uncomfortable prickliness under his skin that he’d always identified as ‘The Texas Creep’. He pulled himself up from the bed and knelt down in front of his bags, digging through until he found his towels, soap and shampoo. He wandered out from his room and into the bathroom, turning on the shower as hot as he could stand it so he could wash away the remainder of Texas from his body and let the freedom of his new life in Boston work its way in.

After an extra-long shower and then an hour spent unpacking, Jared flipped through the packet of papers he’d been given when he checked into the dorm and dug out the subway map. The campus dining hall wouldn’t be open until the rest of the students moved in, so he was on his own for food and was already anxious to start checking out the city. He’d spent a fair amount of time in the past couple of months studying maps of Boston, searching the web for bookstores, coffeehouses and any other places he wanted to check out. He tucked the map into his messenger bag along with a fresh notebook and a handful of pens, grabbed his keys and headed out.

The Wayward Bean was two blocks from the Copley Square T stop on Newbury Street, and as soon as Jared passed over the threshold he felt like he’d come fucking home. It was a coffee shop with a full sandwich menu along with the usual selection of overly sweet, awesome baked goods. The bitter aroma of coffee mixed with bread had Jared’s stomach rumbling as soon as he took his first deep breath. Past the counter, the space opened up to a field of tables and couches, the mismatched furniture arranged haphazardly around the room. He could hear strains of hard indie rock wafting over the din of dishes and conversation, and the walls were crowded up to the ceiling with artwork and photos.

“Large Americano and a turkey club, please.” Jared gave his order to the short, dark-haired girl behind the counter after reading over the menu scrawled on the chalkboards on the wall over her head. He tried really hard not to roll his eyes at the too-bright smile she gave him in return.

“You’re not from around here,” she stated – Jared assumed she noticed his drawl – her smile just as broad as she leaned over the counter slightly, her low-cut v-neck falling forward.

“Nope. New in town. Also gay,” Jared said, cocking an eyebrow and darting his eyes briefly to her chest and back up. “Just to save you the energy.”

“Well, shit. All the hot ones are gay. Fuck.” She leaned back and stood straight, then thrust her small hand across the counter. “I’m Gen. Welcome to Boston.”

“Jared.” After a quick handshake, Jared watched Gen punch his order into the register, then turn to make his coffee after handing him back his change. Two minutes later she was sliding a tall steaming cup across the counter toward him.

“There you go, large Americano. Sandwich will be a few, you can take a seat, I’ll bring it over when it’s ready.”

Jared settled at a table tucked in the corner next to a couch and two padded chairs with a low table between them. He brought his coffee cup up to inhale the rich scent before setting it on the table to cool, then dragged out his notebook and a pen, flipped open the cover and started to scrawl.

Thirty minutes later, a group of three took over the couch and chairs next to Jared, laughing and chattering as they took their seats, various beverages and plates of baked goods cluttering the table. One of the men – with shoulder-length, almost black hair and bright blue eyes – along with the slender red-headed woman, didn’t really catch Jared’s attention. The third, though – almost as tall as Jared, short brown hair with the front spiked up and tipped with blue; bright, round green eyes ringed with black eyeliner dragged out to sharp peaks at the corners; full, pouty lips and a smattering of freckles along the bridge of his nose – he caught Jared’s eye. And wasn’t letting go. No matter how hard Jared tried to go back to his writing, he couldn’t stop glancing over at the man Jared ever-so-logically suspected might be his soulmate.

After a few minutes, Jared realized how obvious he was being, so he pulled a book from his bag, leaned back in his chair and let his long, black-dyed hair fall down over his face and pretended to read, his eyes safely hidden whenever they darted up at the bursts of laughter that boomed from the guy, his whole body shifting backwards on the couch, head tilted back as the corners of his eyes crinkled with mirth.

It was shortly after he’d drained his coffee cup that Gen showed up at his table, gathering up his empty plate and cup then leaning down to whisper to him.

“His name is Jensen. Also gay.” She stood back up and stepped away from the table, turning back with a quick wink and leaving Jared sitting there limp-limbed, mouth hanging open and heat rising on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

“Dude, this is going to fucking suck.” Jensen shoved his clothes into the giant trash bag while shaking his head miserably. 

“Better than working two jobs trying to afford a damn apartment, man,” Chris said, dropping his armful of toiletries on the floor in front of his gym bag. “And at least we got in a suite together. Won’t be  _ that  _ bad.”

Jensen snorted, shaking his head again as he stood and made his way to the bathroom to collect the rest of his things. Moving back into the dorms was definitely not on his list of things to do in his senior year, but he couldn’t keep sleeping on Danneel’s floor. And Chris was right – at least they’d still be living together. Misery loves company, after all. 

He and Chris, his best friend since forever, had moved in with another friend, Steve, at the end of last semester, intending to share the large three-bedroom apartment through graduation. Of course, that all went to shit once Steve had to drop out to go back home and help his mother who’d been diagnosed with cancer. Three weeks before the start of the semester and they were left stranded, unable to afford the large apartment without a third roommate (that, honestly, Steve was paying most of the rent for anyway). They crashed at Danneel’s tiny efficiency apartment while they looked for a place of their own, and when they couldn’t find anything they could afford, they settled for moving back into the dorms. 

So now they were packing up, clearing out of Danneel’s over-cramped space, and headed for campus where they were probably going to get stuck with a couple of freshman who would either be drunk all the time or, worse, want to be friends. Not that Jensen was anti-social. He had his group of friends and he socialized with them just fine. And it wasn’t that he really had anything against freshmen. He’d just had plans for this year, and anyone new didn’t really fit in with those plans. It was his last year, his last chance to build up his portfolio to give him a real chance at landing a photography job he actually liked, not some crappy product photography spot for a catalog, but a real photojournalism job or a spot at a magazine shooting rock concerts. Something he could be passionate about, not just pay the bills with. 

Jensen had gotten his first camera when he was ten, a birthday gift from his grandfather who had always taken photos as a hobby. When Jensen had shown an interest, asking a million questions about the camera and how it worked, spending hours looking at the resulting photos, his grandfather had decided to encourage him. Jensen rarely went anywhere without a camera after that. And his parents were all too happy to upgrade him to digital once it became apparent he was going to stick with it, already tired of shelling out money for film and developing. No one was surprised when Jensen declared photography as his major in college, and he got no arguments about it either since it was obvious he was driven enough to truly make a life for himself with it. 

Jensen let out a long sigh, pushing his miserable dorm-related thoughts out of his head and grabbed up the last of his things from the bathroom, double checking he was grabbing his own eyeliner, not Danni’s, and headed back to the living/bedroom. He shoved the stuff into his backpack, swung it over his shoulder, picked up his garbage bag full of clothes and headed down to Chris's truck. Once he’d tossed it all in the bed he turned back to get the last of his things.

“We gonna swing by the storage unit on our way or make two trips?” Jensen asked, shouldering his camera bag and tucking his pillow under his arm.

“What do you need from storage? Thought that was all apartment stuff.” 

“Nah, all my studio stuff is in there – gonna need that for class.”

“We can stop on the way.” Chris hefted his duffel and picked up his few stray grocery bags overflowing with various things. “Let’s blow this closet.” 

Two hours later, after rifling through the storage container and nearly dying in an avalanche of boxes – no matter what Chris said, it really was traumatic – and going through the always-pleasant experience of dorm check-in, Jensen and Chris keyed in to the suite. Dragging their armloads of belongings down the short hallway, they found one of the doors tightly closed, and the pungent scent of weed wafting out of another room where a scrawny guy with spiky blonde hair wearing tan cargo shorts, a bright pink button-down and a hot-fucking pink silk tie stood, eagerly waving at them. 

“Dudes!” The guy practically bounced out into the foyer between the rooms and stuck out his hand even though both Chris and Jensen were still laden with bags. “I’m Chad. Welcome to college!” 

Jensen stared at the guy, mouth open as he tried to keep anything from spilling out. He finally snapped his jaw shut, turned on his heels and pushed through the door to the room marked ‘2’. 

“Don’t mind him, he’s an asshole,” Chris called after Jensen, leaning over to look into Jensen’s room, grinning when he saw Jensen’s middle finger extended toward him. “I’m Chris. That’s Jensen.”

Chris shoved the door to the remaining room open and tossed his things inside, then turned back to face Chad. 

“So you two know each other already?” 

“Yeah, since grade school. So Chad,” Chris stepped closer, laying a hand to Chad’s shoulder. “Listen. I don’t judge, I don’t care what you do. But you’re gonna have to keep the pot behind closed doors, or we’re gonna have a problem.” 

“Oh…” Chad’s eyes grew wide as he took in the narrow-eyed, serious expression on Chris's face. “Yeah, um…sorry. I’ll… go open a window.” 

“Attaboy.” Chris smirked as he turned away from Chad and headed to his room, giving Jensen a shrug as he passed and saw him standing in the doorway, laughing as he watched Chad scurry back to his own room. 


	3. Chapter 3

Jared chuckled quietly to himself as he stood just behind his door, listening in on the conversation between Chad and his other roommate. He’d sequestered himself in his room in front of his laptop with headphones on, writing all afternoon after his first encounter with Chad. He didn’t seem like a bad guy, he was just… a little exuberant for Jared to feel comfortable spending time with the guy alone. So, he hid. When he’d heard the murmuring of more voices over the din of his music, he figured he should at least go out and introduce himself, even if he retreated again. 

When Jared opened his door, the vivid blue eyes that greeted him were… familiar. Which couldn’t be, because he didn’t know anyone here, he was 2,000 miles from anyone he should recognize. He’d only met the waitress at the coffeeshop, Gen, since he’d been here and… Oh. This was one of the guys he’d been watching his first day here. One of his soon-to-be-if-he-ever-sees-him-again soulmate’s friends. His first roommate may be annoying, but the second was definitely worth introducing himself to. 

“Hey,” the blue-eyed guy said, extending a hand that Jared stepped forward to shake. “Chris.” 

“Jared. Nice to meet you.” Jared stepped back, then nodded toward Chad’s closed door. “Thanks for that, by the way.” 

“Yeah,” Chris chuckled. “No problem. It was selfish, really – I’m a singer, I can’t be breathing in that shit.” 

“Still, thanks.” Jared smiled, relaxing a bit now that he could see the guy was nice, he just didn’t put up with any bullshit. Jared was okay with that. “Need any help moving in?” 

“Oh, I like you already.” Chris smiled back at Jared, then called out into one of the rooms. “Hey Jen, we got another pack mule out here – let’s go get the rest of your crap!”

“Dude, why you gotta be like that?” The reply came from inside the room, followed by the gorgeous guy Jared had gotten stuck on in the coffeehouse. Jared felt his eyes grow wide as he came into view. He was helpless to stop it. His soon-to-be-if-he-ever-sees-him-again soulmate was… fuck, living in his suite. “I don’t call your guitar crap, do I?” 

“Oh, shut it, grumpy. Jensen, Jared – Jared, Jensen.” Chris smirked at Jensen, nodded toward Jared. 

“Hey.” Jensen reached his hand toward Jared, and a few seconds later Jared’s brain came back online and he took it, giving it a quick shake, ignoring the thrill that shot up his arm with the contact. 

“Alright, let’s do this!” Chris clapped his hands, turned and headed for the door of the suite, Jensen close behind him. Jared took a deep breath, patted his pocket to check for his keys, and followed them out. 

After Jared helped the guys load in, carrying two armloads of photography studio equipment up the three flights of stairs, Jensen immediately went to work setting it up in the living room. Chad had made himself scarce – Chris joked that he’d done a good job scaring the kid into submission right off the bat. Jared found Chris easy to talk to, so he’d stuck around hanging out on the couch while Jensen set up half a dozen lights and a huge frame hung with backdrops. 

“So I’m guessing Jensen is photography, but what are you studying, Chris?” 

“Did you really just ask me ‘what’s your major’?” Chris smirked at Jared from his chair across the room. “Shit, I finally just got Jensen trained not to hit on me!”

“Fuck off, dick!” Jensen tossed one of his shoes he’d kicked off in the general direction of Chris, missing him completely, the shoe landing in the hallway with a thud. “Chris wants to be a rock star when he grows up.” 

“Wrong, asshole.” Chris turned from glaring at Jensen to grin at Jared. “I’m never growing up.” 

“Good plan.” One corner of Jared’s mouth turned up in a smirk. 

“Oh, come on – can’t I get any support in my evil plan to never, ever be an adult?” Chris threw his arms up as he stood from the chair and headed down the hall, tossing the errant shoe back toward Jensen where he was kneeling on the floor tightening the bolts on the backdrop frame. 

“What about you?” Jensen asked, turning briefly to glance at Jared.

“Writing.” 

“Like journalism, or…”

“Nah, fiction. I write post-apocalyptic and dystopian stories, mostly.” 

“That’s cool. I like to photograph urban decay – abandoned buildings and stuff like that, kind of the same thing. Drives my family nuts, they think I’m gonna get eaten by a tetanus monster or something.” 

“Yeah,” Jared laughs. “My parents aren’t too thrilled with what I do, either. Not just what I write, but writing in general.” 

“Ouch, that sucks. You get the ‘choose a career you can fall back on’ speech?” 

“Yup, all the time. They can’t say a word now, though. Got a full ride here, they’re not paying a dime for it.” 

“No shit?” Jensen glanced back at Jared again. “Got us a smart one here, huh?”

“Yeah, well, kinda had to be. Only sure way to get out.” Jared shrugged. “Not ever going back to Texas now.” 

“Texas? Where abouts?” 

“San Antonio.” 

“Chris and me, we’re from outside Dallas.” Jensen finished the last bolt, dropped his wrench to the small pile of tools. “Fuck. Poor Chad doesn’t stand a chance living here with three Texas boys!” 

Jared tossed himself from his stomach to his back on his creaky bed and stared up at the shadows on the ceiling. He’d been in bed for two hours now, nowhere near falling asleep. It’d been three days since he left home, and already his life was shaping up to be completely different. Not only was he suddenly out from under his parents’ thumb, but he was also suddenly out. Granted it was just to the one waitress at the coffeehouse, but that was one more person than three days ago. He still couldn’t believe the way he’d just blurted it out like it was nothing. Apparently, Boston was going to be good for him. And he was also suddenly faced with opportunities he’d never felt he had back in Texas, like actually letting himself be attracted to someone. He couldn’t stop replaying his afternoon in his mind, images of Jensen prominent. If he thought talking to Chris was easy, talking to Jensen was like he’d known the guy all his life. He’d never been that comfortable with someone, not even his own family – he’d never just fallen into casual joking and teasing, sharing real, honest opinions instead of monitoring everything he said for fear of his ‘outsider’ status causing him trouble. He was totally screwed, and classes hadn’t even started yet. 


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen jolted awake with a gasp, sweat covering his chest and dampening his hair, his breath coming in jagged bursts. With a deep breath he pushed himself up to sitting, leaned against the wall. The green glow of the alarm clock on the nightstand read 4:13 a.m. Jensen swiped his hands across his face, up through his hair, and just sat there, breathing. 

It wasn’t unusual for this to happen the first night in a new place, but Jensen was still surprised by it, every time. It had been six years now, and while he was mostly fine – didn’t obsess over it any more, only got jumpy if someone startled him and rarely had nightmares anymore – it did rear its ugly head once in a while, like, apparently, tonight. 

Since he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, Jensen decided to just get up. He threw on a pair of sweats and padded out to the common room, figuring since it was still dark out he’d play around with some long exposure shots he’d been thinking about. 

He set up the black backdrop, secured his camera on the tripod, and grabbed the laser pen from his room. Setting the camera to a short, ten second exposure and releasing the shutter, Jensen turned on the laser and dragged it around in haphazard circles until the shutter clicked closed. He looked at the image in the camera’s display, adjusted the ISO up a few notches and started again. 

Half an hour later he was up to a 30 second exposure, halfway through drawing an intricate design of spirals, when he heard one of the doors down the hallway open. Soft footsteps echoed up the hallway toward him. 

“Hey.” Jared’s voice was still sleep-rough. 

“Hey.” Jensen kept his attention on the dot of red light for another five seconds until the shutter clicked. “You’re up early.” 

“Not as early as you.” Jared stepped forward toward the door, hand coming to rest on the knob. Jensen turned to look at him, noticed he was dressed in sweats and sneakers, a beanie on his head so his hair wasn’t covering his eyes that were clean of the smudged kohl he’d been wearing yesterday, the long strings of a pair of earphones dangling from his hands. “What are you doing?” 

“Oh... playing with light. Long exposure. Gotta do it in total dark, and I couldn’t sleep, so….” Jensen shrugged as he stood straighter, turned from the camera to face Jared.

“Huh. That sounds cool.” Jared tilted his head slightly, as if he was trying to picture the results. “I’m just going for a run, so….” 

“You? Running?” Jensen raised one eyebrow. 

“Shut up, yes, I run.” Jared smirked as he turned the knob and cracked the door, a sliver of yellow light from the hallway spilling into the room. “Oh...I’ll be back in an hour or so, you still gonna be working? Should I knock so I don’t open the door and fuck up….”

“Nah, it’s cool. I’m really just playing, nothing important. Thanks though.” 

“Cool. See y’all later.” Jared pulled the door open and slipped through, shutting it quietly behind him, engulfing the room in darkness again. 

Jensen turned back to his camera and felt his body relax. He’d tensed up, had been holding in a breath...when did that happen? And why was he… oh. Crap. A brief shudder crawled up Jensen’s spine as he recognized the feeling – the tightened spring coil in his gut he got whenever he found himself attracted to someone. Great. He was getting the hots for not only a freshman, but one of his roommates. This couldn’t possibly end well. 

“Hey, Jared!” Gen’s chipper voice jolted Jensen’s attention away from his laptop where he’d been focused on editing his photos from earlier in the morning. 

“Hi Gen, how’s it going?” Jared spoke as he stepped up to the counter, shoving a hand into first the left pocket of his sweatpants, then the right. 

“I’m good, honey – what can I get you?” 

“Uh...apparently nothing…” Jared repeated the search through his pockets. “Guess the cash I brought fell out while I was running.”

Jensen chuckled to himself as he leaned back in his chair, reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a few bills. He stepped up to the counter next to Jared, holding out the money to him after giving him a light pat on his shoulder to get his attention. He ignored the electrified thrill that shot up his arm from his hand at the feel of the firm muscle under his slightly sweat-damp t-shirt. 

“Oh hey, Jensen… fuck, thanks man.” Jared smiled as he took the cash, glancing down then back up to Jensen, his hazel eyes bright. Jensen noticed for the first time how they weren’t just hazel, but had specks and swirls of green and blue in them, too. He felt his throat go dry. “I’ll pay you back.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jensen said as he turned to look at Gen, rolling his eyes at her slightly raised eyebrows and half-hidden, coy smirk. He turned and went back to his table, gluing his eyes to the screen of his laptop. 

“So,” Gen chirped, and Jensen could hear the grin in her voice. “Americano?”

“Nah, um… just a large coffee, black.”

A few minutes later Jensen’s attention was drawn away from his computer again by the clatter of coins hitting the table next to him. He looked up to see Jared lowering his large frame into the seat next to him. 

“Change.” Jared smiled as he leaned back in the chair and set his coffee cup on the table. “I’d probably lose it on the way home anyway.”

“True.” Jensen chuckled as he slid the coins and crumpled dollar bill off the edge of the table and shoved them in his pocket. “We should get you a fanny pack for running.” 

“Ugh!” Jared wrinkled his nose. “I’d rather go without coffee!” 

Jensen gasped, a mock expression of shock on his face as he brought a hand to his chest. 

“Jared! Don’t say such things! Going without coffee… that’s sacrilege!” Jensen grinned as he brought his coffee cup up to take a swig from it. 

“Not as bad as me wearing a fucking fanny pack!” Jared laughed, his bright white teeth drawing Jensen’s eyes to the corners of his mouth where deep dimples had appeared. “What are you working on?” 

“Oh…” Jensen turned his laptop so the screen faced Jared. “Light drawings. That’s what I was doing earlier.” 

“Whoa…” Jared leaned forward to study the image, a black background with glowing red lines creating the shape of a skull. “Shit, that’s really cool.” 

“Thanks. This is really just playing, learning the technique,” Jensen said, turning the laptop back around. “But I’ve got some ideas for more complex images once I’ve got it down. Might do some of them for my senior show.” 

“Nice, that’ll be awesome.” Jared smiled, then grasped at his t-shirt, tugging it away from his chest – the way it’d been stuck across Jared’s pecs hadn’t escaped Jensen’s notice. “Well, I’m gonna head back – shower before I really start to reek. Later.” 

“Yeah, see ya.” Jensen watched as Jared stood, picked up his coffee and headed for the door, letting his eyes linger on the curve of his ass for just a second. No sooner had the door to the coffeehouse swung shut then Gen was at his table, picking up his empty dishes with a lascivious grin on her face. 

“So. Jensen.”

“Don’t, Gen.” Jensen glared up at her, not viciously, but enough to get his point across. 

“What? He’s hot! And he seems really sweet.” Gen plopped down in the seat across from Jensen, dishes still in her hands. “ _ And _ I happen to know he’s gay.” 

“How?” Jensen quirked an eyebrow at her. “You hit on him and he turned you down?”

“No! He told me!” Gen glanced up at Jensen with a look of chagrin. “After I hit on him.” 

“Whatever,” Jensen chuckled. “I’m not looking to get involved.” 

“Ugh!” Gen tossed her head in exasperation as she stood up. “Fine… but I will say I told you so once you two are together… madly in love!” 

Jensen laughed as he watched Gen make her way back behind the counter, shaking his head at her as he returned to his computer. 


	5. Chapter 5

Jared was curled up in one of the comfortable chairs in the common room, his feet propped up on the windowsill. He had a notebook open, propped against his knee, pen poised to write. But he wasn’t writing, he was just staring out the window as the sun set over the city. It wasn't the view he was thinking about, though. 

All he was thinking about was black-lined green eyes, spiky blue hair, a soft voice and a full-body laugh with crinkles at the corners of his eyes. Jensen. It hadn’t even been two full days and already Jared was totally gone for the guy. 

In tenth grade, Jared had fallen for a new transfer student, Jake. He’d been cute and smart, in most of Jared’s honors classes, and had moved to Texas from California. Jared had been pretty sure Jake was gay, just from the way he noticed his gaze lingering more on guys than girls, but Jared never figured out how to confirm it, let alone how to make a move to let Jake know he was interested. Jared was never out in high school, not to his parents or anyone at school – he just never trusted anyone enough, and making a move toward Jake would have forced him to come out at the very least to Jake, and he just wasn’t ready for that. So he pined and dreamed and fantasized, then finally forced himself to stop, to ignore his attraction because nothing would ever come of it anyway. This thing with Jensen was already ten times worse than all of that. 

Over the summer Jared had decided it was time to come out, no more hiding. He hadn’t managed to do it with anyone at home, certainly not his parents and he never really considered any of the people he knew from school to be friends. He was mostly a loner, didn’t let anyone in, so there was really no one to come out to. But he’d decided college was the perfect opportunity – new city, new people, new everything. He was determined to be openly gay now, and so far he’d been successful, even if that was just with Gen. 

But that also meant that Gen had been open with him, and told him Jensen was gay. So now there was no doubt the hot guy he’d been drooling over was also into guys, but that just made things so much worse, because now all that was left was to let Jensen know he was interested – and he had no clue how to do that. 

And aside from being hot, it turned out Jensen was really nice, and interesting, and easy to talk to, so that made the situation even worse still. The stupid idea he’d had about the guy being his soulmate? That was actually turning out to be more of a possibility than an idea. 

“Jared! Dude!” Chad’s irritatingly loud voice startled Jared from his thoughts, his whole body jumping at the sound. “You’re going to the freshman mixer tonight, right?” 

“Gee, Chad,” Jared rolled his eyes as he spoke. “I’d love to but I think I’m busy gouging my eyes out with this pen tonight.” 

“Come on, man… I know you’re all, like…” Chad looked down at Jared, waving one hand up and down at him. “Dark and brooding and stuff, but you can’t hide out here all through college, right?” 

“Right… and once classes start I’ll go to them, and then I’ll start going to this big building called the library…”

“Damn, the snark is strong with this one!” Chad exclaimed, narrowing his eyes at Jared. “Come on, man, I need a wingman… no time like the present to start working on the ladies, right?” 

“Okay, A, that’s fucking disrespectful and disgusting, so B, no way in hell am I being your ‘wingman’, and C, I’m gay so, nope, no interest in ‘the ladies’.”

“Okay, fine.” Chad’s shoulders dropped as he moved around to sit on the windowsill facing Jared. “I just don’t want to go alone. Please? Just for a little while… if it totally sucks you can bail.” 

Jared looked up at Chad, saw the pleading expression on his face and crumbled. 

“Fuck. Okay. I’ll go.”

“Yes!” Chad shot up from the windowsill and darted through the room toward the hallway. “Dude, we’re gonna have so much fun!” 

“I’m bringing my pen just in case though!”

Jared turned to watch him bounce back to his room, brushing past Jensen as he stood leaning against the doorway to the common room. 

“You know you’re never gonna get rid of him now, right?” Jensen said with a chuckle. 

Jared let out a sigh, reaching up with one hand to rub at his face. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

It was nearly 1 a.m. by the time Jared dragged himself through the door of the suite. The mixer had been fine, as boring as a middle school dance, but Chad was having fun. By the time it ended at 10, Chad had gotten them invited to an off-campus party and was practically on his knees begging Jared to tag along because the girl he had his eye on was definitely going, he was sure there’d be booze and maybe a few drinks would loosen Jared up a little… Despite the overwhelming urge to punch Chad, Jared had agreed to go. 

He’d talked to a handful of people throughout the night, and was pretty sure one guy was flirting with him, but Jared just wasn’t interested in him. By midnight just about everyone at the party was sloppy drunk, and Jared decided it was time to leave – Jared had been drunk once before, and had fun, but he just didn’t feel up to it with a bunch of strangers. So he wandered around trying to find Chad for a few minutes, finally seeing him in a corner in a lip-lock with a girl – whether it was the girl he came for or someone different he didn’t know – so he just left, figuring Chad could find his own way home. 

Once back home, Jared was exhausted – a full night of being social had drained him and all he wanted was to sleep for nine or ten hours… maybe twelve. So he made a beeline for his bedroom; the common room was empty, Chris's room dark. The only sign of life in the suite was the muffled music coming from Jensen’s room. He quickly changed into gym shorts and one of his faded, soft t-shirts then headed to the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. 

He was standing in front of one of the four sinks, wiping the dark smudges of kohl from his eyes, staring at his own reflection in the mirror in front of him. The idea of knocking on Jensen’s door – after realizing the music he heard as he walked past probably meant he’s still awake – had caught him a bit by surprise. Maybe that’s the way to show his interest? He was pretty sure Jensen now knew he was gay after witnessing his exchange with Chad earlier, so that part was probably done and over with – at least Chad was good for something. And Jensen had been nothing but nice, but that didn’t mean he’d ever be interested in Jared. 

Jared sighed as he stared at himself. His weird-ass eyes with their always-changing color and tilted shape, too-wide mouth, fucking pointy nose – none of that added up to anything attractive, did it? Not to mention, Jared was a freshman, new to the world outside backwards Texas, never been kissed let alone anything else, and barely able to hold a conversation with anyone for more than five minutes before he felt like running away like the social outcast he was. Who would want anything to do with him? 

The door to the bathroom swung open, Jensen stepping through then immediately jumping back with a start. 

“Fuck!” Jensen yelled as his back hit the wall next to the door. “Jesus fuck!”

“Whoa, sorry…” Jared started to take a step forward, then stopped when he noticed Jensen’s rapid breathing, his arms wrapping tightly around his own chest. The breathing quickly turned into gasps, his eyes turning wet with tears. The door swung in again, slowly, Chris poking his head in. 

“Jen?” Chris stepped into the bathroom, his curious expression dropping quickly into concern as he gently placed a hand to Jensen’s shoulder. “Hey, hey… you’re okay, Jensen, just slow down.” 

Jared watched, wide-eyed as Chris moved to stand directly in front of Jensen, ducking his head to try to make eye contact with him. Jensen’s face was pale white now, tears overflowing his eyes as his breathing kept getting louder and faster. 

“I… I just… startled him, I guess?” Jared spoke quietly, backing up the two steps to the far wall, half-wedging himself into the corner by the toilet stalls, the only thing he could think to do was give Jensen space.

“It’s okay, Jared, I got him. Nothing to worry about.” Chris glanced back at Jared as he spoke quietly, then returned his attention to Jensen, placing a hand to the side of his neck. “Jensen, it’s okay – it’s just Jared, you’re okay. Try to take a deep breath, okay?” 

Jensen nodded his head jerkily. Jared could see his whole body shake as he tried to inhale a long breath, his eyes locked on Chris, who was inhaling deeply through his nose, blowing the breath back out through his mouth, giving Jensen something to follow. Once Jensen had gotten a couple real doses of oxygen, Chris pulled the door open and gently urged Jensen toward it. 

“C’mon Jen, let’s get you sitting down for a minute.” Chris spoke softly, following Jensen out of the bathroom and into his bedroom, the door sliding closed with a quiet snick. Jared was left standing there, staring at the closed bathroom door, dumbfounded with no clue what the fuck just happened. After a few minutes he snapped out of the stupor, quickly finished wiping his eyes clean and headed back to his own room. 

About half an hour later, a quiet knock sounded on Jared’s door, Chris poking his head in after Jared called out a quick ‘come in’. 

“Hey, okay if we talk for a minute?” Chris stepped into the room when Jared nodded, pulling out the desk chair and sitting on it backwards, facing Jared where he lay on his bed. “Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” 

“Yeah, I’m fine – confused, but fine.” Jared sat up, folded up his legs and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “Is Jensen okay?”

“Yeah, he is. He’ll be fine after he sleeps a while.” Chris scrubbed down his face with one hand before dropping it to tangle with his other hand where it dangled off the edge of the chair back. “I know this explanation is going to suck, but I really can’t tell you everything – it’s Jensen’s story to tell, his choice who he tells it to, okay?”

“Yeah, I get that…” Jared nodded slowly. 

“Jensen has PTSD. Most of the time you’d never even know it, but sometimes something small will set him off. He’s worse when he’s stressed, but he’s really okay. Nothing really bad can happen – the worst would be he passes out from hyperventilating.”

“So… he just got startled? Didn’t expect me in the bathroom and that set him off?” 

“Pretty much. So, y’know… not a good idea to sneak up on him.”

“Yeah, understood.” 

“You’re okay, though? You looked pretty freaked out back there.” 

“I’m good. Thanks for letting me know what that was… and that he’s okay.”

“No problem.” Chris pushed up from the chair, slid it back under the desk and stepped toward the door, turning back before he reached it. “You’re a good guy, Jared. Glad we’re gonna get to know each other this year.” 

“Yeah… yeah, you too, Chris.” Jared smiled softly as Chris slipped through the door, closing it quietly behind him. 


	6. Chapter 6

The shaft of sunlight peeking through the blinds slowly crept up Jensen’s face as the sun rose, until it lay directly across his eyes, rousing him from sleep with a gruff, grumbled curse as he rolled over. The damage was already done, though, and Jensen was soon aware of the light snoring coming from the floor of his room next to his bed. 

“Chris… the fuck are you doing in here?” Jensen mumbled, not even opening his eyes. 

“Wha?” Chris groaned, rolling from his side to his back with a wince.

“Why are you sleeping on my floor?” 

“Oh….” He opened his eyes then, blinking up at the ceiling for a moment before pushing up on his elbows to look over at Jensen still buried under his blanket. “Just making sure you were alright.” 

“Well, aren’t you a good mama bear.” Jensen let out a loud ‘oof’ when Chris's pillow flew up from the floor to smack him in the face. “Fuckin’ dick.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Chris pulled himself up to fully sitting, yanking his pillow back and hugging it to his chest. “Just figured you were primed to have a nightmare, so I hung out.” 

“Huh, yeah… kind of surprised I didn’t.” Jensen pushed himself up on his elbow, looking down at Chris. “How bad did I freak Jared out?” 

“He’s okay. I talked to him.”

“Chris… what did you…”

“Told him you have PTSD, and the rest was your story to tell. And, y’know, not to sneak up on you ‘cause you might piss yourself.” 

“Asshole.” Jensen glared down at Chris, flipped him off before flopping back down on the bed. “Guess I should apologize to him.” 

“Yep. We’re stuck living with the guy for the year, might be a good idea.”

“Ugh. After coffee.” Jensen was quiet for a moment, staring up at the ceiling. “He’s a good guy, y’think, right?” 

“Yeah.” Chris pulled the blanket off himself, wadding it up in a ball as he stood. “You… wait, do you have a thing for him?” 

“What? No!” Jensen’s voice squeaked just bit as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “No.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Chris smirked as he crossed the room to the door, ducking the pillow Jensen hurled at him before slipping out the door and closing it behind him. 

Jensen swung open the suite door, tray of coffee in one hand, bag of bagels caught between his teeth. He let the door slam shut then made his way down the hallway to stand in the middle of the foyer between the four rooms.

“COFFEE!” he bellowed, drawing the word out before heading back to the common room. It had been a tradition ever since Jensen was in high school, no matter where he lived or who he lived with. On Sunday mornings he got up early, bought breakfast and woke everyone else up. It started when they were fifteen and Chris had moved in to Jensen’s house – his home life with alcoholic parents had taken a turn for the worse, and with Jensen’s brother away at college, Jensen’s parents had agreed to take in Jensen’s best friend. So Jensen just decided to do something nice to repay his parents, at first cooking breakfast at home, then when he got a job, running out to buy coffee and pastries. It became tradition quickly, and always started with Jensen’s loud yawp of ‘coffee!’ to wake everyone up. He didn’t see any reason not to include anyone else he was living with, so no matter where he ended up, everyone got breakfast on Sunday mornings. 

Jared was the first to appear, shuffling barefoot down the hallway rubbing the sleep from his eyes, glancing up at Jensen, then to the spread of cups and bagels on the coffee table with a slightly confused expression. 

“Morning,” Jensen said, settling into one of the chairs with a steaming cup of coffee. 

“What the fuck? It’s like 7 a.m. on Sunday.” 

“Get used to it.” Jensen smirked as Jared reached out for one of the coffee cups and flopped down on the couch. “Thought you went running earlier than this, anyway?” 

“Not on Sundays. And not after being up…” Jared glanced up at Jensen then away, taking a sip from his cup. “Well, I was up late.” 

“About that…” Jensen sat forward, looking across at Jared. “Sorry I freaked you out. I promise that doesn’t happen all the time.” 

“Yeah, Chris said… well, he explained a little bit about it to me last night… not, y’know, everything, but he said you’re okay.” 

“I am.” Jensen smiled warmly, not missing the fact that Jared seemed more concerned with Jensen being okay than the fact he’d freaked the fuck out for no apparent reason, and that just coiled his stomach in a knot again. “Really, it’s just moving someplace new. Once I get used to it, I’ll be right back to my asshole self.” 

“Good.” Jared returned the smile, then looked down at his coffee cup, took another drink. “Chris said it’s PTSD… I mean, I don’t… well, is it… is there anything, y’know, I can do? Other than not sneaking up on you, I mean.” 

“Nah,” Jensen said with a sigh. He always hated this conversation. “Here’s the thing. Six years ago, I had something bad happen. We’ll leave the details at that for now, but basically it fucked up my fight or flight response. My brain sometimes can’t tell the difference between something stupid like last night – really, I just didn’t hear you come back and didn’t expect you to be in the bathroom – and something that’s a real threat. It’s always gonna be like that, there’s no curing it. But I manage it, y’know?”

“Fuck, that sucks, man.” Jared looked over at Jensen, his eyes slightly wide. It wasn’t the pity Jensen always feared receiving, not even really empathy though Jensen could tell Jared was imagining himself in the same situation. What Jensen was feeling wafting off Jared was genuine compassion, a concern and desire for understanding that Jensen hadn’t ever felt before, not even from Chris who had been by his side through the whole thing. 

“Yeah, well… that’s life, right? Nothing to do but deal with it and carry on.” Jensen quirked up one side of his mouth in a smirk. Just then, Chris appeared from the hallway, tugging a hoodie over his head. 

“You assholes better have saved me some coffee!” 

“Chris, when was the last time you  _ didn’t  _ have coffee on Sunday?” Jensen watched as Chris considered, eyes turning upward in thought. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Someone say coffee?” Chad wandered in, looking exhausted and a bit ill, and flopped down on the couch next to Jared after plucking a cup of coffee from the table. As everyone settled in, bagels were passed around and conversation bloomed, Jensen looked up to see Jared watching him. He smiled and half shrugged, raising one shoulder as he bit into his bagel.


	7. Chapter 7

Monday morning, 8:45 a.m., Jared stepped into his first college classroom. He’d gotten up at five, gone for a run, and by the time he’d showered and gone to the dining hall for breakfast it was only 7:30. His nerves didn’t let him concentrate on reading or writing, so he ended up pacing back and forth in his bedroom until 8:30, then he finally left to go to class, the short walk getting him there fifteen minutes early, not even the professor in the room yet. 

He wasn’t alone for long, the teacher coming in five minutes later, and other students trickling in shortly after. Promptly at nine, the professor started, introducing himself as Jeff Morgan, telling the class about his education and experience, then launching into his list of expectations for the semester. 

“Attendance is mandatory, you will be allowed two absences.” The door to the classroom swung open then. “And you will be on time to each class, unlike Mr. Ackles – glad you could join us this morning, I see your time management skills haven’t improved. Please take a seat.”

“Just trying to be consistent, Professor Morgan.” Jensen grinned at the teacher as he stepped further into the room, sliding into one of the few free seats left toward the front of the rows of seats. 

Jared didn’t hear the rest of the introduction to the class, because he was too busy trying to figure out why Jensen, a senior, was in his English Comp 101 class. It was a required class for every student, but most took it in the first year, and it sounded like Jensen had at least had a class with the same professor, if not the same class before. 

As the class progressed, Jared brought his attention back to Professor Morgan, skimming through his copy of the syllabus and making mental notes about what topics he could choose for the numerous papers he’d be writing throughout the semester. Finally, after the hour and forty-five minutes were up and the class ended, he gathered his notebook and papers and quickly caught up to Jensen as he was headed out the door. 

“Hey,” Jared said as he stepped up next to Jensen walking down the hall. “What are you doing in that class?” 

“Hey, Jared.” Jensen smiled and clapped Jared on the back once. “Yeah, I had a little trouble getting to that class on time – or at all – freshman year, and Morgan really is a stickler for attendance. He failed me and I just never had a chance to take it again till now.”

“So, wait… not only are you stuck in a freshman dorm, but you’re taking freshman classes, too?” Jared chuckled as they pushed through the door of the building and walked down the stoop to the street. “Man, I am totally going to learn from your mistakes.”

“Oh, I  _ was _ going to buy you coffee, but now? You’re on your own.” Jensen laughed, reaching out to give Jared a light shove as they stepped onto the sidewalk.

“Aww, c’mon! I’m just pointing out what a valuable service you’re providing me!” Jared couldn’t hold back the laughter at the glare Jensen turned on him as they started down the street, walking the three blocks to The Wayward Bean.

“For the last time, I said no!” Gen’s voice rang out as they entered, Jared’s attention immediately going to the counter and the short, stocky man standing in front of it. Gen’s face was screwed into a scowl as she listened to the man speak again. “You are disgusting. I think you need to leave!”

Jared glanced over at Jensen, and with just the slightest nod, they both headed toward the counter. Just before they got there, the man reached out and wrapped his hand around Gen’s wrist, pulling her forward with a jerk, her eyes going wide as she tried to wrench her arm free but couldn’t. 

“Hey! Leave her alone!” Jared yelled as he took the last two steps to the counter, and laid his hand on the guy’s shoulder, gripping firmly. 

“Back off, you freak, this is between me and her.” The man turned briefly toward Jared as he spoke, pulling his shoulder away from Jared’s grip. 

“You’re hurting me! Let go!” Gen yelped, her eyes filling with tears.

“We said… leave her alone…” Jensen’s voice was deep and low as he grabbed hold of the man’s shoulder, spun him around away from the counter, reared back and punched him, his fist landing squarely on the guy’s jaw, spinning him the rest of the way around to stumble away from the counter. 

As soon as his hand was ripped from Gen’s wrist, she backed away from the counter, leaning against the coffee machine with tears streaming from her eyes steadily. As the man lurched backwards into the table of creamers, sugar and lids, the door to kitchen swung open behind Gen and a tall, slender blonde woman stepped through. 

“What’s going on out here?” She stepped up toward the counter, wiping flour from her face with a towel. “Gen?” 

“Sam!” Gen blurted, sobs escaping her throat as she stepped up to the woman and fell into her arms. 

“That asshole grabbed her.” Jensen turned to look at the guy who was now squatting down, rubbing his chin.

“Okay,” Sam said, one hand rubbing Gen’s back as she looked between Jared and Jensen. “I’ll call the cops, can you boys take her out back?”

“Jared, you take her. I wanna make sure this dick doesn’t go anywhere.” Jensen took a step toward the guy, his eyes narrowed, face red with anger. Jared moved to step around the counter toward Gen, who was pulling away from Sam’s arms. 

“It’s okay, Jen… they’ll get him. He paid with a credit card. Please?” Gen said, stepping toward Jensen.

“Okay. Alright.” Jensen sidestepped away from the man on the floor, keeping his eyes on him as he moved toward Gen. “Come on.” 

Once they were in the kitchen, the door swinging on its hinges behind them, Jensen wrapped his arms tightly around Gen and pulled her in, one hand on her shoulder, the other on the back of her head as she fisted her hands in Jensen’s jacket. 

“Shhh… you’re okay now, Gen. I gotcha,” he murmured into the top of her head. 

Jared watched as Jensen held her, noticing after a few moments that he was shaking, his face pale, eyes rimmed red. He stepped forward and put his hand to the center of Jensen’s back, getting his attention. Jared raised his eyebrows, questioning when Jensen looked at him, taking the slight nod he got in return as Jensen saying he was okay. 

After a few more minutes they could hear voices out in the shop, the cops arriving and Sam telling them what had happened. Not long after a uniformed policewoman stepped into the kitchen, taking statements from the three of them, inspecting and photographing the red, bruising ring around Gen’s wrist, then finally thanking them and letting them know they were free to go. 

Stepping back out into the coffeeshop, Sam pulled first Gen, then Jensen into a hug, thanking him and Jared for keeping Gen safe. 

“You boys can have lunch, on the house, okay? And Gen,” she said, turning to her and laying a hand on her shoulder. “I want you to go home and get some rest, alright?” 

“No, I’m really okay, Sam. Danni won’t be in till three and I don’t want to leave you here alone.” 

“Nope, I already called Danni, she’s on her way in. It’s not a request, honey, I want you to go home. Have some lunch first if you want, but no more work today, got it?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Sam.”   

The three of them ordered sandwiches then took a seat, Gen curled up against Jensen’s side on the couch, Jared sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs. They were quiet for a while, all of them just trying to relax and let the stress of the morning’s events fall away. After Sam brought their lunch to them and they started eating, they fell into a quiet conversation. 

“That perv had been coming in here for months, begging me to go out with him.” Gen let out a long sigh as she picked at her sandwich. “I never thought he’d get  _ violent _ .” 

“Guys like that, they think they’re entitled to whatever they want.” Jensen picked up a potato chip, breaking it apart between his fingers and letting the pieces fall back to his plate. “And they don’t like it when they’re told no. I’ve dealt with guys like that before.” 

“Yeah, I know you have, Jen. I’m sorry you had to deal with this one. Are  _ you  _ okay?” Gen asked, a slight tilt to her head. 

“I’m good. Don’t worry.” Jensen picked up his sandwich and took a bite, as if eating would reassure Gen he was fine. 

“How about you, Jared… you okay?” Gen asked, her eyes soft.

“Yeah, I’m fine. More excitement than I’m used to, but I’m fine.” Jared smiled at her, then glanced at Jensen, who was busily poking through the pile of chip crumbs until he found a whole one to crunch on. Jared figured maybe what had happened to Jensen was something similar, and probably far worse than what went on today. The thought sent a cold chill up his spine. 

“And here you guys thought you were just going to have a quiet little lunch date.” Gen shook her head before breaking off a piece of bread from her sandwich and popping it in her mouth. Jared choked, his breath hitching in his throat just as he was swallowing, his face instantly heating up. 

“Gen! We’re not…” Jensen blurted, then shook his head. “We were just grabbing some coffee.”

“Mm-hmm.” Gen leaned to the side, nudging Jensen’s shoulder with her own. 

“Gen…” Jensen said, warning. Jared had lowered his eyes to his plate, trying his best not to look up at either of them. When he did venture a glance up, he saw very clearly that Jensen’s face was colored bright red, too. 


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey! Anyone home?” Jensen called out as he pushed through the door of the suite and walked down the hall to his room. When he got no response, he quickly changed into sweats and a hoodie, grabbed the bottle of whiskey from his backpack and headed back out to the common room, turning on the television and twisting the cap off the bottle. 

He was sprawled across the couch, a quarter of the way through the bottle and two episodes into a Walking Dead marathon when Jared came in, his messenger bag dropping off his shoulder as he slumped after breathing a relieved sigh. 

“Dude, finally!” Jensen’s words were just barely slurring as he pushed himself up to sitting. Jared half grinned as he looked at Jensen, his eyes darting to the bottle on the table in front of him. 

“Whoa, are you drunk? It’s Wednesday!” Jared snickered. 

“Yeah, whatever. Come watch this with me.” 

“Okay,” Jared laughed. “Give me a minute to change.”

“No way… don’t ever change!” Jensen called after as Jared made his way to his room, laughing and shaking his head. A few minutes later Jared wandered back out clad in sweats and a t-shirt and grabbed a Coke from the mini fridge before sitting down on the opposite end of the couch. Jensen leaned forward, grabbed the whiskey bottle and swallowed down a mouthful. 

“You want some?” He held the bottle out toward Jared, sloshing it’s contents with a little shake while wiping his mouth with his free hand.

“Nah, I’m good.” Jared unscrewed the cap from his soda to take a drink.

“Aww, you’re not gonna make me drink alone are you?” Jensen huffed a sigh, his shoulders dropping. 

“Dude, you were already drinking alone before I came home.”

“Yeah, but now you’re here…  _ now  _ I don’t have to!” Jensen waggled his eyebrows, gave the bottle another shake. 

“Don’t subject me to your peer pressure!” Jared laughed, shaking his head at Jensen’s dejected expression. 

“Dammit. You’re no fun,” Jensen pouted, but sat back after taking another swallow of whiskey and returning the bottle to the table. They settled in watching the TV, mostly in silence except for a few comments about the characters and some loud groans at the more gruesome zombie deaths. 

In between episodes, Jared wandered off to the bathroom, Jensen watching him disappear down the hallway with a smirk. When he was out of view, Jensen grabbed his soda bottle, poured a generous shot of whiskey into it then returned it to the same spot on the coffee table. Had he been a little more sober, he would have been able to hold back the snicker when Jared returned and picked up the bottle to take a drink.

“What?” Jared asked, narrowing his eyes at Jensen before lifting the bottle to his lips. After swallowing, he coughed and spluttered with the unexpected burn. “Jensen! What the fuck?” 

Jensen burst out laughing, eyes crinkling at the corners as he tilted his head back. 

“C’mon, there’s like one shot in there!” he said when he reeled in his laughter, then raised his eyebrows, pleading. “Just have one drink with me… please?”

Jared glared at Jensen for a moment  before letting out a frustrated growl, rolling his eyes as he lifted the soda bottle to his lips again, hiding the smirk that was sneaking out. Now that he expected the liquor, it went down smoothly, spreading warm in his belly. He chuckled as Jensen cheered, raising his arms above his head in victory then reached for the bottle again and took another drink. 

“You’re a dick.” Jared pointed his index finger at Jensen with the hand still holding the bottle, then took another swallow. “A peer-pressuring dick.” 

“I know.” Jensen smirked and let out a short giggle. “But it’s okay, because I’m a loveable dick.” 

“Whatever.” Jared rolled his eyes, shaking his head, but couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips when Jensen reached over and nudged his shoulder. “You’re corrupting a minor, you know that, right?” 

“Oh, like you haven’t been drunk before,” Jensen scoffed.

“Just once.” 

“Seriously?” Jensen shifted in his seat, pulling one knee up onto the couch so he could turn to face Jared. 

“Yeah, seriously.” Jared shrugged. “Never really fit in with my plan.” 

“What plan?” 

“My plan to get the fuck out of Texas.” Jared met Jensen’s eyes as he took another swallow. He only gave a mild protest as Jensen took the bottle from him and poured another shot of whiskey into it then handed it back. 

“Well, you’re out now, man.” Jensen raised the bottle in a toast before raising it to his lips again. Jared took another swig as well, coughing again as it went down, the added booze burning his throat. Jensen grinned as Jared shook his head, his eyes locked on him, studying the way his cheeks were already growing pink, eyes slightly hooded as the alcohol took effect. “So, what was the plan?” 

“The plan…” Jared turned himself on the couch to face Jensen, tipping up the bottle and swallowing another mouthful. “Was to make sure no one could hold me back. Worked my ass off to get straight As, made sure any college I applied to couldn’t say no, and got myself a full scholarship so my  _ parents  _ couldn’t say no.”

“Damn. How come?” Jensen leaned forward, setting the now half-empty bottle on the table, then scrubbed a hand down his face, trying to clear the fuzziness of the booze in his system. “I mean, why’d you want to get out so bad?” 

“I was different. Didn’t fit in anywhere. And I watched my parents bully my brother into going to school to become a doctor, even though that’s not what he wanted. I wasn’t going to let them do the same to me.” Jared shrugged, took another drink then looked at the bottle, noticing how little was left. “Besides, you’re from Texas, you know what it’s like.” 

“Well, yeah, there’s a lot of ignorant assholes, but– ”

“When I was thirteen,” Jared blurted, cutting Jensen off. “I went to the mall, first time on my own. My friend’s parents picked him up, but my dad was gonna be another half hour, so I was just sitting outside waiting. I saw this one guy come out, minding his own business. And these other two guys burst through the doors after him, calling him fag and homo. The guy ignored them, kept walking, but the other two followed him, yelling insults. I don’t know why, but I followed after them. I guess just to see what was going to happen. Once they got out in the parking lot, they jumped the guy. Beat the crap out of him. I was just a kid, so it wasn’t like I could help the guy. I ran back into the mall and told a security guard, but that was all I could do. Scared the crap out of me. Decided right then there was no way I was coming out. I don’t even know if the guy was actually gay, y’know?” 

Jensen was silent for a minute, watching Jared’s fingers pluck at the label on the bottle he turned in his fingers. A shudder ran up his spine as he pictured the scene Jared described. 

“Jesus.” Jensen’s voice was barely above a whisper. “So, you weren’t out… like, to anyone? Not even a friend?” 

“Never trusted anyone enough.” 

“Ouch.” Jensen grabbed the bottle from the table, took a long swallow. He watched as Jared slunk down on the couch, nestled his head against the back as he continued to fiddle with the bottle. “So wait… does that mean you’ve never…” 

“Um…” Jared’s eyes darted up to Jensen’s briefly, then he ducked his head back down, intently focused on the bottle in his hands again. Jensen noticed the blush creeping into his face, taking over the pink flush from the alcohol.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Lots of people your age still haven’t had sex, y’know?” He leaned forward a bit, laying a hand lightly on Jared’s forearm. “It’s not that unusual.”

“Yeah,” Jared scoffed, looking up briefly with a quick eyeroll. “How many eighteen year olds haven’t even kissed someone?” 

“I guess not that many. But hey,” Jensen gave Jared’s arm a light squeeze, leaning forward a little more. “When you do, I bet it’ll be better than if you’d done it at fourteen. More memorable.” 

“Yeah.” Jared raised his head, eyes meeting Jensen’s. “With someone I really want.” 

“Right.” Jensen breathed out the word, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. His eyes fell to Jared’s lips for a moment, then slid back up to meet his eyes again. “It’ll be better… if you really want it…” 

Jensen inched forward slowly, moving closer to Jared as he watched his eyelids briefly slide closed, then open again to reveal his bright hazel irises again. He could see Jared’s breath catch as he moved closer still, just a few inches away, near enough to feel the warmth radiating from him. 

He jerked back when the suite door burst open, Chris stepping through while shoving his keys back in his pocket, tugging his bag up on his shoulder. He smiled as he noticed Jensen sitting there on the couch. As he stepped into the room, Chris's gaze darted from Jensen, to Jared slumped on the couch, to the whiskey bottle on the table, his smile fading quickly. 

“You guys been drinking?” Chris let his bag drop to the floor with a thud, pulling himself up to stand straight. “Jensen, man…”

“Chris, don’t.” Jensen leaned back against the arm of the couch, folding his arms in front of him. 

“Dude, you can’t start this again!” Chris glared at Jensen, his brow furrowed, anger rising in his face. 

“I’m not starting anything, so just don’t, okay?” Jensen’s voice grew louder as he spoke. 

“Then why are you drunk in the middle of the week, huh?” Chris's volume rose to match Jensen’s. Jared’s head snapped up to look from Jensen then to Chris, his eyes widening.

“I’m just gonna…” Jared murmured as he stood up, rounded the corner of the couch, stumbling a little as he headed down the hallway to disappear into his room. 

“Because I fucking felt like it!” Jensen spat. “Dad.” 

“Fuck you, Jen. You’ve worked too hard, man, too fucking hard to do this  _ now _ ! I’m not gonna watch you…”

“I just need to sleep, alright?!” Jensen threw his arms up as he stood from the couch. “I just need to get some sleep.” 

“What do you mean…” Chris's shoulders dropped, the anger in his face crumbling. “Nightmares again?”

Jensen nodded, his eyes welling up with tears as he lowered his head to look at the floor. “All fucking week.” 

“Jensen, man… you should have told me.” Chris stepped forward, reached out to grip Jensen’s shoulder. 

“I know, Chris, I just…” Jensen swiped at his eyes to keep the tears from falling. “Fuck. I don’t know. I just want to sleep.” 

“I know, Jen, I know.” Chris tugged at Jensen’s shoulder, pulling him in and wrapping his arms around him. When he pulled away, he glanced down at the half-empty liquor bottle. “How much of that did you give Jared?” 

“Not much.” Jensen shrugged and huffed a laugh. “Guy’s a lightweight.”

Chris let out a loud bark of laughter, then hooked his hand around the back of Jensen’s neck. “Well then you should sleep like the dead tonight. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” 

Jensen stumbled through the common room and down the hallway, Chris's hands on him the whole way guiding him away from hitting the walls. After pushing him down onto his bed, Chris closed the door behind him, leaving Jensen alone, drifting into sleep with images of Jared’s lips meeting his own floating through his mind. 


	9. Chapter 9

The loud bleating sound slowly broke through Jared’s sleep and he peeled his eyelids open, reaching over to the nightstand for his phone to make the noise stop. It took him less than ten seconds to decide 5 a.m. wasn’t happening today. He tapped at the screen to reset the alarm to seven, returned it to the table and flopped over on his stomach with a groan. 

Instantly falling back asleep would have been nice, but the same images that kept him up until two – the ones of Jensen leaning in toward him, his tongue slipping out to lick his own lips, the warm weight of his hand on Jared’s arm – filled his mind again as soon as he was conscious. 

It had taken a long time last night to convince himself that it was probably better that Chris had interrupted, no matter how much Jared wanted what he was sure was about to happen. Jensen had been drunk, and Jared wasn’t exactly sober either, and not only did he not want his first ever kiss to happen while fogged with alcohol, he couldn’t trust that it would have even started had Jensen been sober. 

So Jared made himself content with the new imagery he’d been given last night, letting his imagination fill in the rest until he was achingly hard, took his dick in his hand and stroked himself until he came with visions of Jensen’s green eyes staring into his and their tongues tangling between their mouths churning in his head. 

It didn’t take all that long for Jared to fall back asleep after that, and soon he was grumbling at his alarm again, dragging himself from his bed and into the shower. After he’d dressed and grabbed his bag, he was walking from his room to the hallway and heard Jensen’s alarm going off as he passed. He paused, debating whether or not he should knock and rouse him so he didn’t oversleep. 

“Hey, Jensen,” he called out after rapping on the door. “Dude, we have Morgan’s class in about an hour.” 

He heard the alarm shut off, followed by a groan, then turned the knob and poked his head in the door. 

“Kill me now.” Jensen muttered as he pushed himself up on his elbows, squinting up at the door and the shaft of light that was falling through it. “Please.” 

“You getting up?” Jared asked with a chuckle. “I’ll buy you coffee.” 

“Mmmm… you said the magic word…” Jensen tossed the blanket off himself and sat up. “Gimme ten.”  

Jared waited in the common room, sitting on the arm of the couch until Jensen came out, dressed with his backpack slung over his shoulder. They left the suite together, silent, Jensen still bleary eyed and slightly grumpy, headed for the cafeteria, breakfast and coffee.

They arrived at class five minutes early, and as they headed to find seats near the middle, Jared noticed the slight smirk on Professor Morgan’s face as he looked at his watch while Jensen passed. Jared only had to nudge Jensen awake twice throughout the class, and once they were released, they headed to the coffeehouse together – apparently Jensen’s reward for making it through the early morning torture of English Comp. 

They ordered their coffee and chatted with Gen while she made them. She was doing okay after the incident with the pervy guy earlier in the week, still a little shook up but getting better. When they headed back to find a table, they found Chris sitting on one of the couches with the same red-haired woman Jared had seen the week before, and Jensen headed toward them. 

“Jenny! You actually make it to class?” Chris grinned as Jensen winced at the volume of his voice. 

“Asshole,” Jensen muttered as he sat down in one of the chairs opposite the couch, Jared taking the one next to him. “Hey, Danni, have you met Jared?” 

“This is Jared?” Danneel smiled as she looked him up and down. “Chris, you didn’t tell me he was gorgeous!” 

“Hey!” Chris turned to face Danneel, scowling. 

“Aww… you’re gorgeous, too, babe.” Danni leaned over and pecked Chris on the cheek while Jensen burst out laughing. 

“I still stand by my statement that you two are ridiculous together.” Jensen turned to Jared, pointing at Chris and Danneel. “Weirdest couple ever.” 

“So, Jared,” Danni said, turning to Jared after shooting Jensen a dirty look. “What’s a hot guy like you doing hanging out with these two losers?”

“Um…” Jared ducked his head when he felt his face heating up, guessing he’d reached one shade away from fire engine-red by now. 

“Awww, he blushes!” Danni squealed, leaning into Chris's side. “That’s so adorable!” 

“Danni, leave him alone.” Jensen rolled his eyes before taking a long drink from his coffee. 

“Oh, you’re no fun, Jen.” Danni leaned back, pouting while Chris sat there smirking. “So how long have you two been dating?”

“What? We’re not– ” Jensen let out an irritated huff. “Why does everyone think we’re dating? We’re roommates, we hang out – what makes you think there’s more?” 

Jared felt his breath catch in his chest. The tone Jensen used was not the kind of embarrassment of someone who’d been caught at something he didn’t want anyone to know about. It was irritated, almost… disgusted. 

“Whatever,” Danni blurted, waving off Jensen’s comment. “How are classes?” 

Jared didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. His face was still flaming, only now it wasn’t due to compliments he wasn’t used to hearing. Now he was mortified that he’d thought Jensen could possibly find him attractive. Stupid. He should have known better. 

But then, last night, why was Jensen leaning in like he was seconds away from… Oh. He was drunk, he was probably just sliding, probably didn’t even know he was doing it. Yeah, way to be a teenage girl and read way too much into a drunken slouch. 

He just needed to be realistic. Jensen was a senior, ready to start his life in the real world, and Jared was just a kid still, fresh out of high school, barely out of the closet, no experience… it was ridiculous to think Jensen would ever go for someone like Jared. It wasn’t an option, obviously, so Jared just needed to put it out of his mind, stop pining for the guy and move on. He’d done it before. There had to be plenty of other guys – guys his own age, closer to his experience level – that he’d find just as attractive as Jensen. Maybe just as interesting. But they probably wouldn’t have those vivid green eyes. Or that dusting of freckles. Or that bright laugh that took over his whole body….

Jared was shocked out of his thoughts by the sound of Jensen next to him, howling with laughter, his head tilted back, his eyes crinkling tightly at the corners. Jared’s heart sped up in his chest, thumping against his ribcage while his stomach played host to a swarm of butterflies. He was so fucking screwed. 


	10. Chapter 10

Jensen sat on the couch in the common room, the only light coming from the screen on his camera as he idly thumbed through the photos he’d just taken. He’d been at it for half an hour, but his heart wasn’t really in it. His mind kept slipping back to hazel eyes and shaggy black hair, deep dimples and miles of arms and legs. Fuck, how did he let the kid get under his skin so quickly? Not that he was really a kid, not with what Jensen thought (imagined) was under those baggy clothes… fuck. 

It wasn’t that he was against relationships. Jensen just figured it was better for everyone involved if he just… didn’t. He knew he was fucked up – any real stress had him plagued with nightmares and insomnia for weeks, and any time he got startled he was practically having kittens before hyperventilating. 

The front he kept up was pretty impressive – not even Chris knew how bad it really was. He was able to convince his best friend everything was normal most of the time, but he wouldn’t be able to do that if he was in a relationship with someone. It’d become pretty obvious pretty damn quickly when he woke his partner up in the middle of the night gasping and covered in sweat. 

Not to mention it wasn’t fair to put someone through that. Who wants to be with a basket case? And what right did Jensen have to make someone put up with that? No, Jensen was just plainly too fucked up for anything more than quick fucks in the back bedrooms at parties. And he’d been okay with that – they both would get what they needed, no strings, no work. 

But then Jared came along. Yeah, he was young and inexperienced – and really, how the hell had he not hooked up with anyone? The guy was hot – but he was only four years younger and Jensen wasn’t opposed to teaching him a thing or twelve. But that’s not all Jensen wanted from Jared. Not by a longshot, and how fucked up is that? He’d spent the past three years of college doing everything in his power not to get involved with anyone and all of a sudden, a week around the guy and Jensen is wondering what it’d be like to spend the rest of his life with him.

Jensen set his camera on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch, staring out the window at the flickering city lights down the street. It would be really wrong of him to start something with Jared. Chris had told him about the PTSD and he didn’t seem bothered by it – just concerned. And it was that concern that Jensen was most afraid of. How could he let Jared in, make him deal with the mess? The kid was too nice, he deserved someone stable, someone easy. Someone happy who he could be happy with. That wasn’t Jensen, and never would be. 

But it didn’t matter. Jensen still wanted him. 

Turning away from the window at the soft sound of shuffling feet, Jensen saw Jared’s tall form pad into the common room and head for the fridge in the dark. He cleared his throat quietly, trying not to startle him. 

“Hey, Jared.” 

“Oh, hey.” Jared whipped his head around, squinting a little in the dark, his eyes not adjusted to the dim light. He let out a brief chuckle. “What are you doing sitting in the dark?” 

“Just thinking.” 

“About anything good?” Jared popped the top of the can of ginger ale he’d grabbed from the fridge, took a drink as he stepped closer to the couch. 

“Nah, not really.” Jensen shifted in his seat, turning away from the window to face Jared and reaching behind the couch to click on the small lamp as an idea formed in his head, making his heart thud in his chest. “Although… maybe you could help me. You busy right now?” 

“Nope, just finished homework for the night.” Jared slunk down onto the opposite end of the couch. “What’s up?”

“You remember those light photos I showed you the other day?” Jensen watched Jared nod with interest. “Well, the idea I have is to draw light around a person – they’d be cast in shadow mostly, and if I’m right, the glow from the laser light will be just enough to highlight facial features and body shapes. If it works, the end result will be really cool. You up for it?” 

“You… want to photograph me?” Jared’s eyebrows disappeared under his bangs. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Jensen reached out to pick up his camera from the coffee table. 

“Well… um…” Jared shifted uncomfortably where he sat.

“Dude, stop, alright? You’re gorgeous, anyone would want to photograph you.” Jensen smirked when he saw Jared’s eyes grow wide. “Besides, these will be pretty subtle, doubt anyone would recognize you.”

“Well…” Jared let out his breath in a quick burst, his shoulders slumping as he gave in to the idea. “Yeah, I guess. What do you need me to do?” 

“Awesome. Hang on.” Jensen jumped up from the couch, darted down the hall to his room and returned a few moments later with a low stool. He buzzed around the common room setting the stool up in front of the black backdrop, attaching the camera to the tripod and connecting the shutter release cable. He slid the curtains across the windows, then waved Jared over to the makeshift studio. “Okay, come here.” 

Jared wiped his palms on his pants, then stood and walked over, sitting down on the stool where Jensen then guided him to lean forward with his elbows on his knees, hands dangling between and his head facing the camera. 

“Okay this is weird,” Jared murmured. 

“You’re lucky I don’t make you strip.” Jensen chuckled at the quiet gasp Jared let out. “Don’t worry, I took nude photography last year. Okay, I’m gonna go dark – just, keep looking at the camera, and try not to breath too deeply. It’s a long exposure, thirty seconds, so if you move too much you’ll end up blurry.” 

When Jared nodded, Jensen walked back to the couch and turned off the light. He pulled his laser pointer from his pocket as he made his way behind the tripod and felt around till he found and picked up the shutter release. 

“Okay, here we go. On three… One, two, three.” The shutter clicked open when Jensen pressed the button on the end of the cord, then he pointed the laser light at Jared, swirling it around the outline of his body. Ten seconds into the shot, he clicked it off, then back on in the center of Jared’s chest, moving it around in an intricate pattern. Another ten seconds in and he moved the light again, this time dancing it around Jared’s head, carefully keeping it away from his eyes. Finally the shutter clicked closed, and Jensen could hear Jared release the breath he’d been holding. 

“Good?” Jared asked. 

“Let’s see what we got…” Jensen tapped at the buttons on the back of his camera, the light of the display casting a blue glow on his face as he looked at the image he’d captured. “Fuck.” 

“Didn’t work?” 

“Well, sort of. Where the light hit your skin it looks awesome, but anywhere it hit your shirt it’s just dull.” Jensen scratched at the back of his head, his mouth twisting as he considered the problem. “You mind changing into a white shirt?” 

“No, I don’t mind… I just… don’t have any? All my shirts are black.” Jared shrugged when Jensen rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, hang on.” Jensen darted down the hall again, returning with a white t-shirt that he tossed at Jared. He busied himself with the camera, adjusting some settings while Jared changed his shirt, only sneaking a quick glance and catching a glimpse of broad, muscled back that sent a shudder up his spine. The shirt was slightly too small, and stretched tight across Jared’s chest when he turned back around. “Alright, let’s try again.” 

Jensen directed Jared back into the position he wanted, released the shutter and began his light drawing again. When the click of the shutter closing sounded out in the quiet room, he studied the photo he’d captured, drawing his hand down his face and huffing out a sigh. 

“Still no good?” Jared asked. 

“Well… better.” Jensen darted his eyes over to Jared. “But it’s still too muted where your shirt is. Let’s try with no shirt.” 

“What?” Jared’s voice was practically a squeak. 

“Dude it’s for  _ art _ !”

“But…”

“Please?” Jensen widened his eyes, raised his eyebrows, pleading. “Seriously, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I promise.” 

“Fine.” Jared growled as he leaned back, tentatively reaching for the hem of the shirt. He shot a glare at Jensen before gripping it and pulling it up and over his head, tossing it across the room to join his own shirt on the couch. He shuddered slightly when the cool air of the room hit his bare skin, then settled back into position for the photo. 

“Okay… one, two, three…” Jensen released the shutter and began painting the red light over Jared’s torso again. As he worked, a lump rose in his throat, the dim red light illuminating tiny bits of Jared’s body. He gulped a swallow as he ran the light over rounded pecs, nipples taut in the slightly chilled room. His mouth went dry as he traced the curve of Jared’s bulging biceps, and his dick twitched in his jeans when he followed the line of Jared’s ribs down to his narrow waist. When the shutter clicked again, he cleared his throat and turned his attention to the camera. “Holy crap!” 

“What?” Jared jolted at Jensen’s exclamation.

“You gotta see this…” Jensen gripped the tripod and turned the camera toward Jared as he stood and stepped across the room to Jensen’s side. On the small screen was an image, mostly black but shot through with thin, glowing red lines in swirls and waves, reflecting off Jared’s skin to create shadows in the valleys of his muscles. The effect was ethereal, dark and almost shocking to the eye. It was clearly a person, but the reflected glow and the sharp red lines seemed to be emanating from within Jared’s body instead of being overlayed. 

“Whoa… Jensen that’s… holy fuck!” 

“Right?” Jensen said, almost giddy. “I gotta look at this on the computer.” 

He took off down the hallway for a third time, returning with his laptop and turning on the light as he set it down on the coffee table. When he turned to grab his camera off the tripod he stopped short. Jared stood there in front of his camera, gazing at the image on the small screen. His shoulders were slightly hunched over, his hands in the pockets of his baggy black cargo pants that hung low on his hips. Jensen’s breath caught as he raked his eyes over him, noticing the ridges of his abs and the sharp cut of his hipbones now that there was light to see him by. He knew his mouth had fallen slightly open but he couldn’t get himself to close it, was shocked still by the sight of Jared. 

“Jensen?” Jared’s voice pierced through the fog of tunnel vision and Jensen jolted his attention back to the here and now, to Jared’s questioning face. He swallowed hard, his tongue slipping out of it’s own volition to lick his lips. 

“Yeah… um… yeah, let’s look at this.” Jensen stepped forward to unscrew the camera from the tripod and returned to the couch to plug it into his computer. 


	11. Chapter 11

Jared had slipped back into bed after his run, his hair still wet from the shower. It was Friday, and he didn’t have any classes so there was no reason to stay up. Now, two hours later, he was laying on his stomach staring into the space between the edge of the bed and the wall. Of course, he wasn’t seeing the dark space, he was seeing Jensen’s face. Wide eyes, slightly gaping mouth – there was no mistaking the fact Jensen had been staring at him last night. And judging from the gulp and slight blush when Jared had gotten his attention, Jensen wasn’t staring in horror or just lost in thought. Jared may not have any experience, but he’d seen enough porn to know a lustful look when he sees it, especially one so blatant. 

As his thoughts wandered toward talking himself out of the possibility that anything could actually happen with Jensen,  _ again _ , Jared started to get pissed. Why the fuck shouldn’t he let himself feel it? It had only been a week, and already Jared had himself tied up in knots of anxiety over the guy. He’s obviously attracted to him, probably more attracted to him than he’d ever been toward anyone, ever. So why not enjoy it? Why was he lying here getting all depressed – for the simple fact that he finds a guy hot? Fuck that. 

Even if nothing ever happened with Jensen, there’s no reason for Jared to push his feelings aside like that. He’d done that all through high school – out of pure self-preservation, which was a necessity – but now there was no reason for it. No fucking reason he shouldn’t let his heart pound in his chest, let the butterflies fly around his stomach, let his dick twitch in his pants (not that he had any control over that part, anyway). There wasn’t even any reason he shouldn’t flirt a little. 

Maybe all his waffling and trying not to like the guy had given Jensen the wrong signal. Maybe Jensen hadn’t made a move because he thought Jared had no interest. So maybe a little flirting would let Jensen know he was interested. Jared knew damn well he wasn’t going to be the one to make the first move – he was too unsure, too anxious. But he could figure out how to flirt a little. Not that he’d ever flirted. With anyone. Ever. Fuck. 

Just as Jared was about to grab his phone and Google ‘how to flirt’ there was a light knock on his door. Couldn’t be Chad – he didn’t know  _ how  _ to knock quietly – so it was either Chris or Jensen, so Jared rolled over onto his back and called out ‘it’s open’. A second later the door slid open, Jensen’s face peering through the crack. 

“Dude… breakfast?” Jensen asked, eyebrows rising, probably surprised to find Jared still in bed. 

“Fuck yes. Gimme ten?” Jared pushed himself up on his elbows as he spoke, watched Jensen nod as he pulled the door closed again. Jared flung the covers off and hurriedly threw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. He laced up his boots, grabbed his wallet, keys and phone, then stepped out into the suite. 

“The fuck is up with your hair, man?” Jensen asked, barely holding back his laughter. Jared raised his hands to his head and felt the rat’s nest of hair surrounding his head. 

“Shut up. I fell asleep with it wet.” Jared ducked back into his room, snatched a beanie from the top of his dresser and walked out again, throwing the hat over his unruly mane. “Let’s go.” 

Just as they reached the door to the suite, Jared’s phone started ringing in his pocket – the simple melody he’d set as his parents’ ringtone. He pulled the phone out before giving Jensen an apologetic look. 

“Sorry, gimme a minute? My parents.” He tapped the button to accept the call as Jensen nodded his understanding. “Hey, mom.” 

“Hi sweetheart, I was just calling to see how school was going?” Jared’s mom’s overly sweet voice already had him on edge, not to mention feeling incredibly awkward talking to his  _ mom  _ in front of Jensen.

“It’s going great, mom – classes are good. I was just on my way…” Jared rolled his eyes as his mother cut him off. 

“Have you made any friends there yet? I worry about you being all alone, you know.” 

“Yeah, mom – I live in a suite with three other guys, we all get along great.” 

“Oh good, I’m glad to hear it, honey. You’re not wandering around that city alone, then, right?” 

“Mom – San Antonio is bigger than Boston – it’s not like I’m a country bumpkin in the big city for the first time.” 

“Alright, no need for the attitude, young man!” His mom huffed an irritated sigh into Jared’s ear. “What about girls? Have you met any nice girls yet?” 

“Mom…” Jared rolled his eyes so far he was surprised they didn’t get stuck peering at his own brain. 

“Jared you know I worry about you studying all the time, it’s not normal.”

“Nice, mom – thanks for that. Glad to know being driven means I’m a freak.” Jared flopped himself down on the couch, ripped the hat from his head and shoved his fingers into his hair, gripping tight.

“You know what I mean, Jared. You need to have balance. I’m not saying you should be looking for the woman you’ll spend the rest of your life with, I’m just…”

“Mom! Will you stop? Please? My love life isn’t really your business.” 

“Sweetie, I’m just concerned about you!” 

“Well how about I go out tonight and fuck the first girl I can find – will that make you feel better?” 

“Jared Tristan! Don’t you talk to me like that!”

“Mom…” Jared huffed out a growl, tugging his hair back away from his face harder. “Listen, I gotta go, my roommate is waiting for me. I’ll talk to you soon.” 

He didn’t wait for a reply, just lowered the phone and stabbed at the end call button. He could feel his face burning, the Texas Creep wafting over him, feeling ten times worse now that he’d been without it for a week. He was starting to wonder if it was more the Parent Creep than anything to do with geography. He sat there pulling in one deep breath after another, trying to push the feeling away. When Jensen’s hand landed heavy on his shoulder, the tension seemed to start melting away instantly. 

“You alright?” Jensen’s eyebrows were raised slightly in concern when Jared looked up at him and met his green eyes. 

“Yeah, just…” Jared let out a sigh and tossed his phone onto the coffee table. “Fuck.” 

“That about sums up what I heard.” Jensen chuckled as he dropped down on the couch opposite Jared. “Wanna talk about it?” 

“There’s not really much to talk about, that’s just… my parents.” Jared pushed his fingers through his hair again, dragging through a couple tangles and rubbing at the slightly sore spot on his scalp where he’d been tugging at it. “That’s why I had to get out, y’know?” 

“There’s another option, though.” Jensen raised one eyebrow when Jared looked at him, confused. “Instead of getting out, you could always come out.” 

“Yeah, right. They’d probably disown me.” Jared huffed a laugh as he rolled his eyes at the thought. 

“Look, I don’t know you very well, or your family at all. But do you really want to lead a double life?” 

“Sounds easier.” 

“Not really – maybe now it is, but what happens when you meet someone? You gonna lie to your parents all the time? Hide your boyfriend? How do you think that would make  _ him  _ feel?” Jensen watched as Jared stared at his hands, scraping his thumbnail across the cuticle of his middle finger. “I know it seems impossible right now, I’ve been there. Telling my parents was one of the scariest things I’ve ever willingly done. And yeah, it was tense for a few days till they came around, and that sucked. But in the end, I was so much better off being honest. And if they do disown you, maybe that’s better, too, ya know? Maybe you don’t  _ want  _ them in your life if they’re that closed-minded. You’re an adult now, they’ve got no real hold over you. And yeah, it’d suck to lose your family – I get that. But being true to yourself? Being honest about who you are? That’s way the fuck more important.” 

Jensen breathed out a sigh as he reached over, placing his hand to the back of Jared’s neck. He gave a light squeeze as he watched Jared continue to stare down at his hands, could almost feel the kid’s brain churning as he thought over what he’d said. 

“You’re right,” Jared finally said, heaving a shaky sigh. “I know you’re right. But… fuck. It’s so hard.” 

“I know. Trust me.” Jensen pulled his hand back, dropping it to his own knee. “Listen, it’s not like you have to rush into it. And I’ll help you through it if you want. But just think about it, okay?” 

“Yeah. I will.” Jared took in another unsteady breath, then turned his head to look at Jensen again. “Thanks, Jensen.” 

“You’re welcome.” Jensen smiled, then laughed at the loud grumble that sounded from Jared’s stomach. “Dude, come on – we need to get you some breakfast.” 

“Guess so,” Jared laughed as he snatched up his phone from the table and stood, the two of them heading out of the dorm into the crisp autumn air on their way to the Wayward Bean.

Jensen leaned back in his chair and peered past his open bedroom door into the foyer when he heard a loud banging, to find Chad hammering on Jared’s bedroom door. It was only a few seconds later when Jared whipped the door open and stood, looming over Chad, pulled up to his full height. 

“Dude, what the fuck?” Jared scowled down at Chad, who actually took a step backwards, raising his hands up in front of him. “Can’t you knock like a normal human being?” 

“Sorry, man – no need to PMS at me about it, sheesh!” 

“Chad…” Jared scrubbed a hand down his face as he shook his head. “What do you want?” 

“I’m dragging you to a party tonight. Nine o’clock.” 

“Sorry, Chad, already have plans.” Jared took a step back and started to close his door.

“What plans? I don’t believe you.” Chad reached out with one hand, stopping the door from swinging closed any further. 

“I have an exciting evening of manscaping planned.” Jared nodded, his mouth turning up into a sarcastic smirk. “Yeah, gonna shave my pubes, pluck my chest hair. It’s gonna be epic.” 

“Ugh! Thank you so much for that mental image, you disgusting dick!” Chad shuddered and shook his head, apparently trying to clear the image from his brain. “Jared, buddy… it’s Friday night. We’re in  _ college _ . Come out and have some fun, you’re like a ninety-year-old!” 

“He’s got a point, Jared.” Jensen stepped out into the hall, leaning against his door smirking at Jared.

“Not helping, Jensen!” Jared glared and pointed his index finger at Jensen.

“Seriously, dude, if you keep studying all the time like that... your brain? It’s gonna explode. Then all that manscaping will be a waste of time, right? No big daddy long dick is gonna want to punch your starfish when you’ve got brain goo leaking out of your ears, so come on. We’re going out.”

“Oh my god CHAD!” Jared could feel his face heating up as he pushed his hair back from his face with a frustrated sigh. His eyes darted across the hall to see Jensen stifling his laughter. “Alright – I will go to the party on one condition.” 

“Just one? I can deal with that… what is it?” Chad’s face lit up.

“You don’t ever – and I mean  _ ever _ , in the rest of your natural life and beyond – talk about me and sex in the same breath again.” Jared looked over at Jensen who was now openly laughing as he stood in his doorway. 

“What? I was just trying to…” Chad started, but was cut off when Jared raised one hand with his index finger pointed at Chad’s face. 

“Not another word, Chad, or I’m staying home.” Jared raised his eyebrows as Chad lifted his hands, palms out in surrender. 

“Okay, okay!” Chad said as he backed away from Jared’s door. “So we’ll leave in an hour?” 

“You guys mind if I tag along?” Jensen asked, still chuckling a bit.

“ _ Please _ come with us,” Jared said, eyes pleading.

“The more the merrier!” Chad chirped as he ducked into his own room, presumably to get himself ready for the party. 

Jared looked over at Jensen and rolled his eyes, giving his shoulders a shrug as he stepped back into his room.

Ten minutes after arriving at the party, Jared and Jensen were standing at the edge of the overflowing living room, each with a red plastic cup full of lukewarm beer, and Chad had already disappeared into the crowd. The obnoxious rap music was loud enough that when Jared went to talk to Jensen, he had to lean in close, speaking directly into his ear. 

“This is exactly what happened last time – I’m not sure why he’s so hell-bent that I come with him – the fucker just takes off!” 

“I think he really does just want to get you out, man – he may be annoying, but he’s not a bad guy.” Jensen had turned his head, mouth inches from Jared’s ear, his warm breath sending a chill up Jared’s spine. 

“I could do without that kind of concern.” Jared’s shoulder brushed against Jensen’s chest as they shifted positions again to continue their conversation. 

“He’s not wrong, Jared.” Jensen’s hand came up to rest lightly in the middle of Jared’s back. “All work and no play, right?” 

“Yeah…” Jared pulled back to look Jensen in the eye, the movement pushing Jensen’s hand more firmly against his back. “Just call me Jack.”

Jensen snickered at Jared’s eye roll, then watched as he raised his beer and drained it in a few long gulps. He shrugged as Jared lowered his empty cup and gave him an expectant look, then drained his own beer. He plucked the empty cup from Jared’s hand. 

“I’ll get the next round,” Jensen said, stepping away. “Don’t get lost!” 

It was at least twenty minutes before Jensen made it back to where he’d left Jared, two full cups in his hands, getting stopped on the way by a few acquaintances who had to shoot the shit with him. As he approached, he stopped short when he saw Jared was no longer alone, a familiar figure pressed up far too close for Jensen’s comfort. Not that he was being possessive, not really – it was just that the guy invading Jared’s space was fucking Tom Welling, asshole extraordinaire. 

Jensen had met Tom late in his sophomore year, had one drunken night with him that he’d honestly rather remember less of. The guy was bad news, his behavior after that night close to stalking, and it had taken a swift punch to the jaw to get the guy to back off. It had happened at another party, Tom zeroed in on Jensen almost as soon as he’d arrived then had stuck to him like glue all night. Tom had gotten pushy, begging Jensen for a repeat of the night they’d had before, and the more Jensen refused the more grabby and handsy Tom had gotten. It was when Tom had pushed Jensen up against a wall and tried to kiss him that Jensen shoved him away and clocked him, leaving him curled up on the floor as he stormed out of the party. He was definitely someone Jared didn’t need to experience. 

“Hey,  _ Tom _ .” Jensen spat the name, narrowing his eyes at him as he handed one of the cups to Jared. When he’d walked up he’d seen Tom reach up to brush the hair from Jared’s eyes, and the way Jared leaned slightly away from the touch made Jensen bristle. He took a step closer to Jared, sliding his arm around his waist and lightly tugging him closer. He felt Jared tense up at his touch, could feel his eyes boring into him. “I see you’ve met Jared.” 

“Yeah, um… yeah,” Tom spluttered, inching his way backward. “Sorry, I uh...didn’t know you were… I gotta go.” 

Jensen grinned as Tom spun around and disappeared into the crowd. He felt Jared pull away, nearly wrenching his arm from around his waist. 

“What the fuck was that?” Jared spun to face Jensen, his eyes dark, his mouth turned down in a scowl.

“Jared, man – you don’t want anything to do with that guy, trust me…”

“How the fuck do you know what I want, huh?” 

“Look, I’m sorry… but Tom is a grade-A dick, okay?” Jensen reached out toward Jared, his hand just about to connect with his shoulder before Jared jerked away. “Man, I was just trying to look out for you, okay?”

“If I wanted a mother I would have stayed home.” Jared spat the words, his glare heating up as he kept his eyes focused on Jensen’s.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt, Jared.” Jensen let out a sigh when he saw Jared still fuming at him. “Listen, okay? I know the guy. I was with him  _ once _ and it took me months to shake him, and he’s just… not a good person. He can be scary, alright? Like trying to force himself on people scary.”

“Oh…” Jared’s face began to soften, the tension in his shoulders falling away.

“I wasn’t… that wasn’t cockblocking, man.” Jensen reached out again, this time Jared let him lay his hand to his shoulder. 

“Yeah, I get it… sorry.” Jared ducked his head, eyes darting to the floor before he lifted his beer to take a long swallow.

“It’s okay, I just…” Jensen swallowed hard as Jared raised his head again to meet Jensen’s eyes. His stomach churned, a slight shudder running up his spine as he tried to tamp down the urge to lean in and press his lips to Jared’s. 

“Just what?” Jared’s voice had softened, nearly too low to hear over the thumping music.

“I care, alright?” Jensen’s eyes darted away quickly as he spoke, then moved back, raking up from Jared’s lips to his eyes. “I care.” 

Jensen could see the slight, sharp intake of breath as Jared’s eyes widened slightly. Before he could grab hold of himself, rein himself in, Jensen was leaning in, the hand on Jared’s shoulder sliding up to the side of his neck. He could feel the slightest tremble under Jared’s skin as their lips met, just a light brush at first. Jensen paused for a few moments, felt Jared pull in a breath before making contact again, firmer this time, a full press of lips. He could feel the heat and moisture of Jared’s mouth against his, the softness sending an electric jolt through his body, lighting him up and pushing him on. He began moving his lips, a little harder, hungrier, his tongue pressing out to flick at the curve of Jared’s lower lip, tasting first the bitter tang of beer, then underneath that, Jared himself. It was just a few seconds before Jared was following the motion, his own lips playing against Jensen’s, parting slightly so the next time Jensen’s tongue slipped forward he pressed inside Jared’s mouth to lightly pry his lips further open. Jensen reached out, blindly setting his cup on the table next to them then pulling his arm in to rest his hand on Jared’s hip. Jared soon followed suit, ridding himself of his beer and letting his hands come to rest on Jensen’s waist, fingers curling around the band of his jeans and tugging slightly, pulling Jensen closer. Obliging, Jensen shuffled his feet forward, leaning his body lightly against Jared’s, their chests meeting, the rise and fall of their breathing creating the slightest friction between them. Jensen deepened the kiss, his tongue seeking out Jared’s inside his mouth, sliding against it and pulling a quiet gasp from his throat. Jared’s hands gripped tighter, his lips and tongue moving faster, harder, devouring Jensen’s just as eagerly. 

When Jensen felt his hips pitch forward of their own volition, his hand sliding toward Jared’s ass, he sucked in a sharp breath and pulled his lips away, Jared’s chasing after his briefly. His mind filled with panic as he opened his eyes, met Jared’s questioning gaze. Jensen could feel the hot prickle behind his own eyes as he opened his mouth to speak. 

“Jared…” Jensen’s voice cracked, caught in his throat. “I’m sorry… I can’t…”

Jared’s mouth fell open in stunned silence as Jensen stepped backward, then turned and pushed his way through the crowd of people toward the front of the house and out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Jared stood, stunned, watching Jensen as he disappeared through the room. While his head was still spinning from the kiss, his lips still tingling, his chest was tightening with anger. He’d been right, all along, Jensen was attracted to him. There was no room for doubt, not now – not when he could still taste Jensen on his lips, still feel the grip of his hands on his neck and his hip. But he’d run away. Jared’s mind raced with all the possible reasons – he thought Jared was too young, too inexperienced, he was worried his friends would give him shit for dating a freshman… but that didn’t make sense because all of Jensen’s friends so far seemed like they were pushing Jensen toward Jared – even assuming they were already together. So then… what? Was Jensen… could he be scared? Scared of what? 

It had barely been a minute, Jensen couldn’t have gotten far – Jared pushed off from the wall and started making his way through the crowd, getting cursed at by a few people he elbowed out of his way as he bulled through toward the door. 

Once outside in the open Jared broke into a run, heading in the direction of the dorm. He was only a block and a half away from the party when he saw Jensen, hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders hunched in as he walked. 

“Jensen!” Jared yelled, pulling up to a stop when he saw Jensen jolt, his shoulders slumping as he slowed and stood still on the sidewalk. As Jared walked toward him, he saw Jensen’s head duck down. 

“Jared, please don’t.” Jensen’s voice was quiet, shaking a little. 

“Just tell me why.” Jared tried to keep the anger from his voice, though he wasn’t sure he was all that successful. 

“I just… I can’t. I’m sorry.” Jensen still had his head lowered, staring at the pavement. 

“Why, Jensen?” Jared stepped closer, ducking his own head to try to make eye contact. “What are you afraid of?

When Jensen raised his head, his eyes were rimmed red, his face streaked wet. Jared could see his eyes fill again, one tear slipping out and falling down his cheek. Jared let out a long, slow breath. 

“You don’t…” Jensen took in a shuddering breath. “You don’t want me, Jared.”

“Why wouldn’t I want you?” Jared felt his anger start to flare again – what the fuck did Jensen know about what Jared wanted? – but he pushed it down, waited for him to answer. 

“I’m… I’m broken, Jared – no good. You deserve better, okay?” Jensen hitched a breath as more tears tipped out of his eyes. 

“What the fuck, Jensen? What are you talking about? 

“Look, there’s things… you don’t know me, alright? I’m fucked up. You’re better off just walking away.” 

“You’re right. I don’t know you. So tell me.” Jared took a step closer to Jensen. “Don’t stand there and tell me I don’t want you without giving me a chance to decide for myself.” 

Jensen shook his head, sidestepped around Jared and started walking again. Jared could hear him sniffle as he fell in line just behind him, keeping pace as he walked. Half a block later Jensen stopped again, turned to face Jared. 

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I never should have… I shouldn’t have let myself do that. I’m a fucking dick for it. But please… don’t…”

“Don’t what? Show you the same concern you’ve shown me since I met you? Don’t tell you that I like you and I haven’t seen a damn thing to scare me away from that?” Jared grabbed hold of Jensen’s arm, fingers wrapping around his bicep. “What happened to being true to yourself, huh? You told me that. You said that to me just this fucking morning, and here you are, hiding from me. Tell me.”

Jensen sucked in a trembling breath, blew it out slowly while still staring at the pavement below his feet. He stilled for a few moments, his breathing evening out. Then he wiped his hand down his face, brushing away the streaks of wetness, looked up to meet Jared’s eyes and gave him a half smile. 

“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?” Jensen smiled a little more fully as Jared’s mouth turned up in a soft grin. “Come on. Let’s go home and talk.” 

Jared was still trembling when Jensen turned the key in the door to the suite at a little before midnight. He’d been trembling since he left the party. He had never been afraid to go after what he wanted before, but somehow, this – fighting for Jensen – seemed way more important and far more dangerous than anything he’d ever wanted before. And he’d never wanted anything more. 

Jared swallowed hard when Jensen waved him down the hallway toward his bedroom instead of the common room where Jared had started to sit down. But he followed Jensen into his room and sat down at the end of the bed where Jensen motioned while shutting the door behind them. His eyes were wide as he watched Jensen pull his jacket off, toss it over his desk chair and flop down at the head of the bed facing Jared.

Jensen stared at his hands where they rested in front of him, his elbows planted on his knees, legs folded up in front of him. It was a few minutes before he took in a slow, shaky breath and lifted his head to look at Jared. 

“I’m not even sure how to do this,” Jensen said finally, his voice quiet, his words followed with a humorless chuckle. 

“Jensen…” Jared pulled his legs up, crossing them in a mirror image of Jensen’s position on the other end of the bed. “You don’t have to… it can wait, take some time…” 

“No… no this is my fault, you deserve to know why I did what I did.” Jensen took another deep breath, one hand reaching back to scratch at the back of his head. “Just… bear with me.” 

“Of course,” Jared said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Okay… when I was 13, I figured out I was gay. By the time I was 14, I’d told a few of my friends – Chris and a few others. At 15 I told my parents. I just kept letting it out, little by little, to more and more people. By the time I was 16, it was pretty much common knowledge, all over town. ‘Oh, there’s Jensen, the gay kid’ y’know?”

Jared nodded his understanding as he watched Jensen pull in another shuddering breath, gathering himself before going on. 

“I know you know, it’s not always a good thing to be open about in Texas. Mostly I was okay – I got bullied a little, called fag in the halls at school. I was okay with it – I mean, I expected it and when I was considering how ‘out’ I was going to be, I decided the risk of bullying and homophobia was worth it, decided I’d rather be honest than scared.” Jensen’s eyes darted up from his hands, meeting Jared’s for a brief moment before returning to focus on where he was toying with a hangnail on his thumb with the index finger of his opposite hand. “I’m not saying this because of… I’m not judging you, okay? You’re choices are what’s right for you – I know that.” 

“I get that, it’s okay.” Jared still spoke softly, his eyes as intently focused on Jensen’s fingers as Jensen’s own eyes were. 

“So, junior year, I go to this dance – not even sure why, there was some girl Chris liked and he dragged me along or something. It’s in the gym at the high school, and the bathrooms were down the hall. I went to go take a piss and this guy followed me down the hall, I didn’t see him or hear him. When I was heading back to the gym, he jumped out from one of the classrooms and grabbed me, pulled me in and locked the door. He was a big guy, and I was still pretty scrawny at that point so I couldn’t get away from him. He pushed me up against the wall, pinned me there. He pushed his forearm up against my throat so I couldn’t breath and started spitting all these hateful things at me, calling me fag trash and telling me how much he hated that I was allowed to walk around  _ his  _ town and  _ his  _ school. Called me a freak, even threw in ‘an abomination against god’ in there. Then he got filthy – started asking how much I liked to suck cock, saying ‘oh I bet you really like a big dick shoved up your ass’ – all of it with this sneer, this vicious, hateful expression on his face. He punched me a couple times, a few to the face, one to my gut. Then he spun me around, pushed my face against the wall – that’s where the scar on my chin came from. Split it right open. He started going on about how he could give a fag like me what I thought I wanted, make me realize what a filthy freak I was and never want it again.” 

Jensen paused, breath shaking. His head was still lowered but Jared could see the tears running from his eyes. 

“He had my pants down and was working on getting his dick out when Chris kicked the door in – I still don’t know how he knew, how he found me. He says he just came looking for me and somehow knew, knew something wasn’t right. He beat the shit out of the guy, knocked him unconscious. The guy ended up going to jail – he was almost 18 so they tried him as an adult, they put him away for sexual assault.”

“Fuck, Jensen…” Jared didn’t have any words, didn’t know what to say. His own eyes had welled up with tears halfway through Jensen’s story. Jensen wiped at his own eyes, then looked up to meet Jared’s. 

“That’s where the PTSD came from. I get startled and it sometimes triggers flashbacks. I get thrown right back there, feel that guy’s weight pushing against me, choking me – that’s why I hyperventilate, I feel like I can’t breathe. I have nightmares, too. Wake up in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming. It’s… it’s worse than Chris knows, and please don’t tell him because he’s done so much for me and worries about me enough already – but it’s not just when I get stressed, sometimes it just happens, sometimes I can’t sleep for a week because of the nightmares.”  
“Jesus, Jensen… I’m sorry you had to go through that…”

“See, Jared, that’s the thing… this is my life. I’m always going to be this way, there’s no cure – I’ve done all the therapy and hypnosis and drugs and everything. This is as good as it’s going to get for me. And I deal with it. A couple years ago I was drinking to deal with it, but I’ve stopped that, for the most part, and I just throw myself into my photography, let myself get lost in it and that helps. But I’m fucked up, Jared, and it’s not fair of me to ask someone to share that. That’s why I don’t get involved with people. I have one night stands when I want sex, but I just… I can’t ask someone else to take all this shit on, it’s not right.” 

Jared was quiet for a few minutes, aware of Jensen’s eyes on him, but focused now on his own hands in front of him as he replayed what Jensen had said in his mind and considered what to say. He finally lifted his gaze and looked Jensen directly in the eye before speaking. 

“You know that’s utter bullshit, right?

“Wha–”

“Seriously, Jensen. You say it’s not fair to ask that of someone – but you know what? If it’s the right someone, they’d  _ want  _ to take it on. If it’s someone who really cares about you – and you as a person, not the damn PTSD – they’re not going to resent your nightmares or panic attacks. They’re going to do anything in their power to help you deal with it. They’re going to be there  _ with  _ you so you don’t have to keep doing it alone. So saying it’s not fair, that’s bullshit. That’s not for you to judge, not for you to decide for someone else. And if it’s someone who thinks it  _ is  _ unfair, who doesn’t think you’re worth supporting? Well fuck them, they don’t deserve you.”

“Jared, I…”

“You’re scared.” 

“What?”

“You’re scared. You’re terrified of letting someone else see that part of you. You don’t even tell Chris how bad it is because you’re afraid of looking weak. And I get that – it makes sense – if you come off as weak there’s a bigger chance you’ll get hurt again. But fuck that, man – you can’t live in fear the rest of your life.” 

Jared kept his eyes locked on Jensen’s, took in the gape-mouthed expression he was staring back with. He saw Jensen’s eyes fill with tears again and felt a few of his own trickle down his cheek.

“Jensen, I know you’re attracted to me – and more than just physically, you’ve made that obvious. I didn’t believe it at first because you kept pulling away, but after tonight there’s no doubt left. And I’m telling you now that I feel the same way. And if you don’t want to try, I’ll respect that. It’s your choice to make. But, just... don’t make that choice out of fear. Don’t give up on something you want because of it. I’m willing to try, Jensen, if you are, too.” 

Jensen was quiet for a minute, eyes locked on Jared’s as he processed what he’d said. He was trembling all over, his stomach roiling with anxiety and indecision. But as he looked at Jared, saw the confidence in his face, the concern in his eyes, and felt the fearlessness wafting off of him, he suddenly realized Jared may be right. Maybe it would be easier to share it all with someone, to have someone close enough, willing to offer support. 

He swiped down his face with one hand, wiping away the wetness one more time, then took a deep breath before pushing himself up onto his knees. Jensen leaned forward, closing the space between them, then pressed his lips to Jared’s as he slid his hand to the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his hair.


	13. Chapter 13

Jared gasped as Jensen’s lips met his, not because the move was sudden, or he didn’t see it coming, but because it was Jensen, kissing him again. The tentativeness of their first kiss was gone now, Jensen tilting his head almost immediately, angling their mouths together and slipping his tongue out and past Jared’s lips. Jared leaned into the kiss, his hands reaching up and gripping Jensen’s biceps, the firm muscle under his hands sending a thrill through him. 

It was only a few moments of the awkward position before Jensen was gripping Jared’s waist, tugging to urge Jared up until they were both on their knees and Jensen was inching forward to close the gap between them. He moaned into Jared’s mouth as their chests met, feeling the warmth between them and adjusting his hold on the back of Jared’s head, pulling him tighter as if desperate to remove any space between them. He could feel the slight trembling in Jared’s chest as they moved closer. 

“You okay?” Jensen whispered, pulling away just enough to be able to speak. Jared nodded, the movement brushing their noses and lips slightly, the shaky breath he exhaled warm against Jensen’s cheek. “If you want to slow down or stop, you tell me, okay? It’s cool if you do.” 

“Okay. I’m good though.” Jared’s words were accompanied with a tightening of his grip on Jensen’s arms, a slight tug forward. This time it was Jared who pressed his lips against Jensen’s, pulling a quiet moan from Jensen’s throat. Their tongues began twisting together again, twining against each other, flicking and sliding against teeth and lips. Jared felt a shudder run through his body, a tingling swirling outward from his stomach that made his heart pound harder and his cock twitch and stiffen, a spring coil ratcheting tightly in his core like he’d never felt before, pushing a keening murmur from his throat. He could feel Jensen’s smile against his lips, an approving hum following. 

They stayed there, rapt in the kiss and the pressure of their bodies together, for a few minutes more, then Jensen was tugging at Jared’s shoulders, leaning himself back against the bed and pulling Jared down with him, their lips never parting. They settled side by side on the bed, Jensen throwing one leg over Jared’s thigh, one arm woven underneath him with fingers still tangled in Jared’s mop of hair, his other arm slung around his middle, Jensen’s hand pressed firmly against the small of Jared’s back, his pinky finger catching and toying with the center belt loop of his jeans. 

As they continued kissing, Jensen’s hips began a slow roll, sliding the bulge of his cock against Jared’s, making Jared’s breath come faster and the hand he had pressed to the center of Jensen’s chest tighten, gripping and twisting his t-shirt. When Jensen finally let his hand slowly slide down and over the globe of Jared’s ass, he was rewarded with a moan that sent a shiver down his spine and precome blurting from the tip of his cock. 

Jensen slid his hand upward, underneath Jared’s shirt, feeling the softness and warmth of smooth skin against his palm, the fabric of the shirt catching on his forearm and pulling it up. He slowed his kissing, pulling his mouth away slightly before pushing forward again to leave several smacks of his lips against Jared’s, then breaking the kiss entirely by leaning back and meeting Jared’s eyes. He pulled his hand from under Jared’s shirt, moving it to brush the bangs from Jared’s eyes. 

“Hi.” Jensen whispered the word, a smile pulling at his lips. 

“Hi.” Jared’s reply was just as quiet, his own smile mimicking Jensen’s. 

“Is this okay?” 

“Yeah… more than…” Jared released his fingers from the fabric of Jensen’s t-shirt, his palm falling flat and pressing against Jensen’s chest. Jensen kept his eyes on Jared’s as he slowly pulled free of their embrace and pushed up, reaching back to grab the collar of his t-shirt and pulling it up and over his head. He saw Jared’s eyes slip down and rake over his exposed skin as he laid back down. Jared’s eyes were wide as he pushed up onto one elbow, resting his head in his hand. He reached out slowly, tentatively with his other hand, watching his own fingers as he set them gently against the skin of Jensen’s arm, languorously sliding up from bicep to shoulder. Jensen watched him jolt slightly, as though suddenly realizing what he was doing, his hand stilling. Jared’s eyes darted up to Jensen’s, widening. “Sorry…”

“No, hey… it’s okay, I want you to touch me,” Jensen said, smiling as he laid back down, flat on his back, offering himself. Jared kept his eyes locked on Jensen’s as his hand began moving again, his palm going flat against his skin. As he rounded Jensen’s shoulder to his collarbone, Jensen hummed quietly, his eyes slipping closed in pleasure. Jared drew his hand downward, tracing the curve of Jensen’s pec, his fingertips grazing over the peaked nub of one nipple. His eyes grew wider still as Jensen sucked in a breath at the contact, his skin pebbling up with goosebumps with the shiver Jared’s fingers sent through him. 

Jensen opened his eyes when Jared’s hand disappeared suddenly, the bed shifting. He watched as Jared pulled his own shirt from his body, tossing it to the floor. He leaned back down, one hand coming to rest at the side of Jensen’s head, the other returning to his chest. He ducked over and pressed his lips to Jensen’s again, their mouths replaying the same routine only this time with more hunger, Jared’s hand increasing its pressure and speed as he ran it up and down over the smooth skin, fingertips grazing Jensen’s nipples every few passes. Jensen’s hands shot up to rest on Jared’s back and waist, fingertips pressing into the warmth. 

“Fuck… Jared… feels so good…” Jensen murmured the words as he shifted his mouth downward to kiss and suck at Jared’s jaw, moving down to his neck. Jared gasped quietly when Jensen reached his pulse point and lingered, nipping with his teeth then soothing over the hot skin with his tongue.

“Oh god…” Jared’s breath was warm, his fingers pressing harder as his body tensed up at the sensation. “I… Jesus fuck Jensen…”

“Mmm… what do you want, Jared?” Jensen punctuated his words with another nip at Jared’s neck. “Anything… tell me…” 

“I… I…” Jared strangled a moan on an intake of breath. “I… don’t know…” 

“Okay… that’s okay… Here, lie back…” Jensen shifted himself as Jared leaned back flat on the bed, moving himself half on top of Jared. He returned his lips to Jared’s neck, then slowly began kissing and licking his way down to his chest. He ran his hands up from Jared’s waist across his ribs, up over his shoulders then back downward again. His mouth reached one of Jared’s nipples, his tongue slipping out to flick at the hard peak, sending a moan rushing out from Jared’s mouth. After lingering there for a few moments, he drew his tongue further downward, shifting his body lower on the bed. His hands followed the motion, running over the ridges of Jared’s abs and coming to rest at the waistband of his jeans. His fingers clutched around the button as he raised his eyes up to Jared’s. “Okay?” 

Jensen watched Jared carefully, waiting for his nod that came just seconds later, then his fingers began to move again, pushing the button through the hole in the fabric, then pinching the tab of the zipper and pulling it down. He gripped onto the waistband again, tugging the jeans downward, moving out of the way to be able to pull the pants off Jared’s legs and toss them to the floor with their shirts. He returned his hands to his own waistband, making quick work of the fasteners and shoving them off his hips, stepping off the bed just long enough to shed himself of the clothing before setting his knees back to the mattress. He crawled up over Jared’s body, watching the way his chest was heaving before looking back up into Jared’s eyes. He leaned forward and planted his lips back on Jared’s before lowering his body on top of him, groaning when he felt the hard press of Jared’s cock against his own. 

Jensen carded his fingers into Jared’s hair, letting them rest nestled in the soft strands as he returned his focus to kissing him. A few moments later Jared’s hips surged upward, gasping and hesitating just a moment before repeating the movement. Jensen let his own hips thrust forward, increasing the pressure and friction on their cocks. He pulled his mouth away on a moan, letting his head dip down against Jared’s neck, his breath panting out hotly. 

“Fuck… Jared…” Jensen huffed out as he increased the speed of his thrusts. Jared picked up on the rhythm, matching the tempo with his own hips. His soft grunts burrowed into Jensen’s ears, racing down his spine to his balls, pulling them up tight to his body. Jared’s hands gripped at Jensen’s biceps, his short fingernails digging into the flesh. Their pace increased along with the speed of their breaths, a shaking shudder working it’s way out of Jared, rocking through his shoulders. A few more thrusts and Jared’s body was tensing, his voice catching in his throat. Jensen pulled his head up in time to see Jared’s eyes clench closed tightly as his body was wracked with pleasure, his orgasm tightening all of his muscles. The sight was enough to push Jensen over the edge, too, his own orgasm racing through him, whiting out his vision. 

Jensen returned his mouth to Jared’s as it subsided, kissing him as he slowly rocked his hips, working them both through the aftershocks, until the tension slid from both of them. As he stilled his hips he slowed his kissing, pulling back until all that remained was a languid slide of lips on lips. Then, with a final, firm press of a kiss, he rolled to his side, letting his hand catch on Jared’s shoulder to pull him up to his side and wrap his arm around him in a breathless embrace. Jared’s arm mirrored the action, pressing tightly against Jensen’s back as he slowed his breathing. 

“Holy shit…” Jared whispered when he’d caught his breath enough to speak again. Jensen chuckled lightly against Jared’s neck. 

“You okay?” he asked, leaning back to make eye contact.

“Yeah… that was…” The corners of Jared’s mouth began to turn up in a smile.

“Amazing? Incredible? Earth shattering?” Jensen offered with a smirk.

“Overwhelming?” Jared raised an eyebrow, his mouth quirking up in an uncertain grimace.

“Overwhelming good, or overwhelming bad?” 

“Overwhelming amazing.” Jared let out a quiet laugh.

“I’ll take it.” Jensen smiled fully, leaned forward and pressed another kiss to Jared’s mouth. 

They settled into silence then, limbs wrapped up in a tangle of warmth as they relaxed into the calm of satiety. In the quiet, they both began to drift off, neither wanting to move, just allowing sleep to take over. 


	14. Chapter 14

The sky outside the window was just beginning to grow light when Jared opened his eyes. When the murkiness of sleep began to fade, he remembered he wasn’t in his room, his bed. He felt the warmth of another body pressed up against his back, the weight of an arm wrapped around his waist. His memory began to seep back into his brain and flood with images of Jensen, remembering he’s in Jensen’s room, Jensen’s bed, it’s Jensen wrapped up around him. 

He pulled in a long, slow breath and let his eyes slip closed again, absorbing the sensations of heat and weight, the closeness of their bodies in the too-small bed. As he replayed the events of the previous night, he was overwhelmed with the need to  _ see  _ Jensen, so he slowly, carefully turned himself within Jensen’s grasp to face him. Jensen only stirred for a moment, then settled back into sleep. Jared was relieved, not ready to talk yet, just wanting to savor and process everything that had happened. 

His eyes traced down the curves of Jensen’s face, the rounded line of his shoulder. He watched as Jensen’s chest rose and fell with his shallow breathing. Jared thought for just a second that laying here like this, watching Jensen sleep, was like something out of a bad movie and any second Jensen would wake up and tell Jared he was being creepy. But it felt right, like something Jared needed to do, just for a few minutes, just to convince his brain that all of this was real. 

Of course Jared had pictured himself waking up next to someone, but somehow he’d always figured the reality would be far different from his imagination. But this reality, right here and now, was far greater than anything he’d ever dreamt up. He’d never imagined the calmness of it, the way his body felt boneless and heavy, completely relaxed. He’s never considered how warm and safe he’d feel, the moment so quiet and intense that it felt as though the rest of the world had dropped away and nothing else existed except this, right now, Jared and Jensen sprawled together so close it felt like nothing could come between them. 

A wave of warmth spread through Jared’s chest, and he found himself pulling his left arm free from between their bodies, raising his hand to rest it on Jensen’s bicep, his thumb skimming lightly back and forth over the smooth skin. He watched Jensen’s eyes move under his lids, his eyelashes resting lightly against his freckled cheeks – enough light seeping through the window now to just make out the darker dappling under his eyes and across his nose. Jared’s breath caught in his throat as he took in just how beautiful the man next to him was, the realization that Jared really was lying here in his arms making his chest swell again with another surge of warmth. 

Jared slid his whole hand up to Jensen’s shoulder, his thumb running over the freckled skin. Jensen let out a quiet, sleepy moan with the touch, his lips turning up slightly in a smile as he inhaled a sharp, drawn-out breath through his nose, his body leaning in toward Jared slightly. Jared froze with the reaction, not meaning to wake him. But Jensen settled again, his breath coming out softly with a hint of a sigh through his slightly parted lips. Jared smiled, continuing to watch as his chest slipped back into an even rise and fall. 

After another ten minutes or so of watching Jensen sleep, Jared decided he really was venturing into creepy territory, and he knew he wouldn’t sleep any more, so he decided to get up. He slowly slid himself out from under Jensen’s arm, moving as slowly as he could to avoid jostling the bed and waking Jensen. It took him a minute to find his pants and shirt, picking through the heap of clothing they’d discarded the previous night to figure out which were his in the still-dim light. He was pulling his jeans up over his hips when Jensen stirred and yawned. 

“Hey.” Jensen’s voice was sleep-rough, quiet. “Where ya goin’?” 

“Morning.” Jared smiled, turned to see Jensen’s drowsy eyes on him. “Going for a run.” 

“Hmmm… too early.” Jensen mumbled as he rubbed at one eye with his knuckles. “Come back? When you’re done?” 

“Okay,” Jared said, his wide smile forcing his dimples out. He took a step forward, toward the bed, then hesitated a moment. The urge was strong but he wasn’t quite sure – but then Jensen looked up at him, expectantly, and that’s all he needed. Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen, just a quick smack of lips, but both of them were smiling when Jared stood back up. “I’ll be back.” 

Jensen let out a quiet hum as he settled back against his pillow, tugging the blanket up over his bare shoulder and drifting back to sleep. Jared turned, pulling his shirt over his head before he reached the door and quietly opened it, stepped through and closed it quietly behind him. 

Jared tugged his shirt the rest of the way down his torso, straightening it as he looked up from where he stood just outside Jensen’s door. He was met with the shocked-wide eyes of Chris standing in the doorway of the bathroom, one foot in the hall where he’d frozen. 

“Hey,” Jared said, his smile fading a bit as he took in Chris's expression, which seemed to be cycling through emotions at a rapid pace – from shock to amusement to anger and concern. It took a few seconds of Chris's mouth opening and closing slightly like a gasping fish before any sound came out.

“Hey.” Chris's eyes settled into a darkness, accompanied by a furrowed brow, that Jared could only read as anger. “So. You and Jensen?” 

“Well…” Jared paused, trying to understand the reaction. “Yeah?” 

“That’s…” Chris shook his head, his eyes rolling slightly as though he was trying not to. “That’s just great.” 

“Chris, what the fu…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Chris blurted out the words quickly, cutting Jared off, then breezed past Jared into his room, pushing the door shut behind him with a soft thud. Jared stood stock-still for a moment, his mouth gaping open while his brain raced to try to catch up, figure out why Chris wouldn’t be supportive of Jensen and Jared being together. It didn’t make any sense to him, since Chris seemed to like Jared, and he definitely liked and cared about Jensen – why wouldn’t he want them to be happy? 

After a minute Jared shook his head and stepped across the hall to his room. His mind was still scrambling to figure it out as he changed into gym shorts, laced up his running shoes and grabbed his ipod and keys before heading out the door. If he couldn’t figure it out during his run, he’d tell Jensen about it – surely he’d know what was going on with his best friend. 

It was maybe a half hour after Jared left when the loud pounding on his door, which then shot open letting the light from the hall spill in, woke Jensen with a jolt, dragging him from the peaceful quiet of dreamless sleep. He opened his eyes, squinting at the brightness to see Chris looming a few steps into his room. 

“What the fuck, Jensen?” Chris spat, obviously angry about  _ something _ , though Jensen had no clue what it could be.

“What the fuck yourself…” Jensen mumbled groggily, wanting to shoot Chris a glare but his eyes just weren’t ready to open enough yet. “‘M sleeping.”

“Yeah, well, wake the fuck up… we need to talk.” Chris pushed the door closed, stepped into the now thankfully dimly lit room, pulled the desk chair out and sat down facing Jensen. 

“What’s got you all butt-hurt?” Jensen pulled himself up to sitting, fully irritated now that he apparently had to have some big discussion before coffee.

“Jared?” 

“What about him?” 

“Jensen. I saw him come out of your room this morning.” 

“Yeah? And?” 

“What the fuck are you doing? The kid’s not some nightcap – so why are you fucking with him?” 

“Who said anything about fucking with him?  _ Or  _ it being a one time thing?” Jensen had flown past irritated into full-on angry. “And why the fuck is it any of your business?” 

“It’s my business because I have to live here, too, and I really don’t want to deal with the fallout when you blow him off because you can’t handle anything real. And he’s a good kid, I’m not gonna sit here and let you mess with his head, get his hopes up then fuck off back into loner-land like he doesn’t even matter. It’s not cool, man.” 

“Okay, first of all – fuck off.” Jensen tossed the blankets off himself, launched himself out of bed, grabbed a pair of jeans off the floor and started pulling them on. “You’re sitting there all smug and judgemental when you have no fucking clue what’s gone on between us, which you have no right to do, so fuck off. Second, fuck off again – because you obviously think I’m incapable of having something real with someone, so, thanks  _ so _ much for the low opinion and the resounding vote of confidence.” 

Jensen shot a glare at Chris as he opened a dresser drawer and pulled a t-shirt out, noticing the blank stare he got in return as he pulled the shirt over his head. 

“You mean you’re actually going to try? Seriously?” Chris sounded completely bewildered. 

“Yes, you asshole!” Jensen stepped around the end of the bed to stand in front of Chris, staring down at him. “I’m not some insensitive douche, I just never found anyone worth the risk before.”

“What happened to ‘relationships aren’t for me’, huh? For three years you’ve been spouting that crap and all of a sudden you change your mind?” 

“Yeah. I did.” Jensen stepped across the room and pulled the door open, standing beside it, clearly inviting Chris to leave. 

“Jensen, man, don’t do that. C’mon,” Chris said, shoulders dropping, eyes pleading. “I just… I’m worried, okay? About both of you. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt. So explain it to me. Please?” 

Jensen sighed heavily, his anger melting away with Chris's admission. It was hard to stay angry with someone who was just concerned, even if he was an idiot who showed that emotion by getting pissed. He shut the door and stepped back into the room, sat down on the bed. 

“I got jealous, man.” Jensen ran his fingers up through his hair, over the back of his scalp, pausing to scratch at the short hairs there. 

“You?” Chris's eyebrows raised up in almost comic surprise.

“Yeah, me. At that party, I saw fucking Tom Welling hitting on him. I chased him away, we both know he’s bad news. But Jared got pissed before I could explain and I dunno, it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Yeah, I was protecting him from Tom, but part of me… man, part of me just wanted to beat the crap out of Tom because… whatever, it was like I wanted Jared and no one else could have him, y’know?” 

“Yeah, I’d say that’s the definition of jealousy.” 

“So… I kissed him. And it made me feel better, but then I panicked and ran out and Jared ran after me and… well, I couldn’t exactly tell him it was a mistake without explaining, y’know? So we came back here and I told him – everything, about the fucker in high school and the PTSD and my rule against relationships.” 

“And what’d he say?” 

“Called me out. Told me it was bullshit – about the relationships. Basically told me to stop being a chickenshit and go for what I really want.” 

“Huh.” Chris's eyebrows raised again, his mouth turning down in an impressed smirk. “Way to go, Jared.” 

“Shut up.” Jensen tossed an unheated glare at Chris. “So, fuck it, y’know? I’m gonna try. It’s like… well, Jared’s worth trying for, y’know?” 

“Yeah, man, I know.” Chris nodded, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “I’m glad you figured it out, brother. Really. Just don’t fuck it up, alright?” 

“I’m gonna try not to.” Jensen huffed a laugh, ducking his head down to look at his hands. 

“Alright, I’ll let you go back to bed or whatever. Sorry I flew off the handle.” 

“It’s cool. Thanks, Chris.” 

Chris just nodded as he stood, pushing the chair back under the desk and slipping quietly out of the room. Jensen heaved a sigh as he sat there in the silence for a minute, then he shucked off his pants again, curled up under the covers and dozed off. 

Chris was sitting on the couch in the common room with the TV on low when Jared walked in after his run, still mildly out of breath and dripping with sweat. He gave Chris a half-wave before starting down the hallway. 

“Hey, Jared?” Chris called out, and Jared shuddered mentally, not really wanting to deal with whatever bug had crawled up his ass earlier in the morning. But he turned on his heels and stepped back into the common room. “Mind if we talk?” 

“Dude, I really need a shower…” Jared said, gesturing down the hallway.

“It’ll only take a minute, promise.” 

“Alright… what’s up?” Jared stepped further into the room so he could stand facing Chris. 

“I’m sorry I was a dick to you earlier.” Chris raised one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I just got scared when I saw you and Jensen had hooked up. Jensen’s been… well he’s been kind of a bastard when it comes to sex, and I didn’t want to see you get hurt. Didn’t want to see him get hurt either, because it’s obvious he’s really into you.” 

“Yeah, I know all about that. We talked about it.”

“I know. Kinda blew up at Jensen a little while ago and made him tell me. Which, I’m sorry for that, too, it’s none of my business. But like I said, just didn’t want to see you two get hurt.”

“Well, apology accepted, but man, you’re not gonna be able to protect us. We may end up hurting each other in the end. Yeah, that’ll suck, but… it’s better than not trying, better than never knowing, right?” 

“I know. You’re absolutely right. Just… be careful, okay?” 

“Are you gonna give me the safe sex speech, too?” Jared smirked as he watched Chris's face fall, his brow furrow in annoyance. 

“You’re a little shit, you know that?” Chris pointed an accusing finger at Jared. “Go fucking shower, you reek!” 

“Yes, Dad…” Jared sing-songed the words as he turned and walked down the hallway to his room, laughing when he could hear Chris muttering behind him. 


	15. Chapter 15

Jared pushed Jensen’s door open as quietly as he could – just a faint squeak of the hinges echoing into the room. He ducked in quickly and closed the door again, blocking out the hall light. Jensen was still sound asleep, pushed back toward the edge of the bed with his left arm spread across the mattress, looking as if he was waiting for Jared to join him again. He considered waking Jensen, but quickly decided going back to bed sounded better anyway. 

Jensen mumbled softly when Jared’s weight made the mattress dip, then instinctively slid his arm around Jared’s waist when he laid down. He didn’t show any signs of waking once Jared settled in, and Jared breathed out a sigh as he relaxed. 

Just as he did earlier, Jared lay there with the warmth and weight of Jensen against him and just  _ felt _ it. His heart started thumping in his chest after a few minutes, the reality of everything that had happened since last night hitting him. It wasn’t a bad feeling, even though Jared recognized it as anxiety. Actually, it felt pretty fucking good. But still – it was all new and unknown. Jared wasn’t at all sure he even knew  _ how _ to be in a relationship, but the fact that Jensen hadn’t been in one for a long time seemed to lessen his fear about that. Sex, though – that was all uncharted territory and even though he wanted it, he was still a bit scared. And obviously Jensen was experienced, and that didn’t help. But Jensen had been understanding last night, seemed to pick up on it when Jared found himself lost. Jensen had taken control in a way that didn’t make Jared  _ feel _ like the inexperienced kid he was. And Jared felt like… well, he  _ knew _ he could trust Jensen, that Jensen wasn’t going to try to force him to do anything he wasn’t ready for. He was sure Jensen would have liked to have done more last night, more than rubbing off on each other through their boxers like a couple of high school kids on their parent's couch – but it felt like Jensen sensed that was all Jared could handle just then, and that thought made Jared’s chest spread with warmth. 

The feeling was something he’d only ever known from his family – that sensation of being cared for, of being loved. That idea brought Jared’s thoughts back around to his parents, to the last conversation he’d had with his mom. And then Jensen’s words were ringing in his head – “ _ How do you think that would make  _ him _ feel? _ ” – and his heart sank. He was going to have to tell his parents. Starting a relationship with Jensen was going to force the issue, no more ignoring, no more putting it off – because now it mattered. 

But maybe it didn’t matter today. Maybe Jared could get away with hiding from it for a few more days, a few more weeks. It wasn’t like they were anywhere close to the ‘meet the parents’ stage. 

Jared took a deep breath, pushed the thoughts of his parents from his mind and focused his attention back on the warmth of Jensen next to him. He let himself relax again, let his breathing sync up with the rise and fall of Jensen’s chest, and slowly drifted off to sleep. 

Jensen stretched his arms and legs out, catlike, as he opened his eyes, and felt the warm press of Jared’s body against his. His lips turned up in a smile as he turned his head to take in the sight of Jared, his face soft and relaxed in sleep, his lips slightly parted with soft huffs of air pushing out at even intervals. His long hair was randomly spread out across the pillow, a few tufts crossing over his eyes, his left hand curled up in a loose fist against his chest. His eyelashes cut a dark line under his closed lids, the barest shadow of leftover kohl in smudges over the smooth skin. 

It was the first time Jensen had been able to take his time looking at Jared, taking in all the little things that combined to build the overall picture, that created  _ Jared _ – the way his curved lips faded out to points at the edges, his nose that came to a point at the end but never seemed sharp, his eyebrows arching upward on the outside in contrast to the slight downward angle of his eyes. 

As Jensen studied Jared he noticed the light in the room, just barely mid-morning, the sun still low in the sky and wafting into the room, casting a gold hue over Jared’s skin and creating shadows in the recesses of his face, a dream-like quality to the scene that suddenly Jensen needed to capture. 

He slipped out of bed gently and crossed the room to his bag, pulling out his camera. A few quick taps of the controls then Jensen raised the camera and peered through the viewfinder. He stepped from side to side, forward and back to find the composition he wanted, then clicked the shutter, the mechanical sound of it opening and closing echoing in the quiet of the room. He moved around, snapping shot after shot, adjusting focus, squatting down for low angles and making his way around the bed to capture every perspective. 

After a dozen or so shots, Jared stirred, shifting over onto his back with a soft hum – the movement changed the scene, realigned the light on Jared’s face and spurred Jensen on. He continued shooting until he zoomed in and was met with Jared’s hazel eyes staring, bleary and confused, directly into the lens. Jensen clicked the shutter once more, capturing the expression. 

“Dude, what are you doing?” Jared asked, his voice quiet, barely more than a mumble. 

“Good light,” Jensen replied with a shrug, took a step to the side and took another photo. 

“But… I was sleeping…” Jared yawned through the last syllable. Jensen smirked, set the camera down on the desk and flopped down on the bed and laid his arm across Jared’s stomach. 

“I’m a photographer. You’re gorgeous. It’s gonna happen.” Jensen smiled when Jared groaned, reaching up with one hand to rub at his eyes. “Does it really bother you?” 

“I guess not… just never thought of myself as – I dunno, interesting?” Jared rolled half on his side to look at Jensen. 

“Well, you are. So get used to it.” Jensen leaned over and pressed his lips to Jared’s, his hand sliding up to cup his jaw, fingers resting just behind his ear. He kissed Jared until he heard the quiet, mewling keen from his throat, both of their lips turning upward into smiles. “Coffee?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Jared said, rolling over to throw his long legs over the edge of the bed to stand. 

Jensen pulled open the door and shoved Jared inside the Wayward Bean, causing him to stumble a few steps forward. Their laughter echoed in the high-ceilinged space, causing Gen to look up as the two made their way, still shoving and poking, to where she stood behind the counter. 

“Gennnnnnn…” Jensen drew out the name as he leaned dramatically over the counter toward her. “We need coffee, Gen… hurry! We won’t make it much longer!” 

Gen raised her eyebrows, glancing between Jensen and Jared, then shook her head with a little eye roll. 

“You two are in a good mood,” Gen stated, sliding her order pad across the counter and plucking a pencil from her apron. “I better get a good tip!”

Jensen smirked as he straightened up from the counter. 

“I always give you good tips!” Jensen’s mock offense made Gen roll her eyes fully this time, both Jared and Jensen laughing at her. “Two large Americanos and two breakfast sandwiches, please. Ma’am.” 

“You’re lucky you two are both so gorgeous.” Gen turned from the counter, heading toward the coffee machines. “I wouldn’t put up with that from just anyone, you know!” 

“Love you too, Gen!” Jensen called out across the counter over the humming of the machine, Gen’s derisive snort barely audible over the noise. A minute later Gen slid the two coffees across the counter, snatched the twenty from Jensen’s outstretched hand and passed back his change. 

“Go sit down, you dorks.” Gen shook her head again as she turned to start on their sandwiches. 

“Me? Why am I a dork?  _ He’s  _ the dork!” Jared called after Gen while giving Jensen a playful shove. 

“Go! Sit!” Gen called over her shoulder, not bothering to look as Jared and Jensen made their way back to their favorite sofa in the back of the room. The two chuckled as they sat, setting their coffees on the table in front of them. Jared slouched down on the couch, his knees wedged up against the wood of the table. As soon as he was settled, Jensen was leaning half across him, pressing his lips to Jared’s, one hand sliding across Jared’s waist gripping at his shirt. One of Jared’s hands slipped behind Jensen and came to rest, palm flattened, in the center of his back. Their kisses were chaste, simple but persistent pecks broken up only by their smiles, both of them feeling the thrill of newness and the excitement of being together. 

It was just a few minutes later when a loud ‘ahem’ sounded from just a few feet away, breaking their spell as both of them turned to see Gen standing there, a plate in each hand, eyebrows raised. 

“About damn time!” Gen exclaimed as she set the sandwiches down on the table. 

“What do you mean? We only met a week ago!” Jensen rolled his eyes at Gen’s smirk. 

“Oh please – you two were gone for each other the minute you saw each other.” 

Jensen looked over at Jared, just long enough to notice the blush that had crept up into his cheeks, then cast his glance back up at Gen and gave her a shrug. 

“Guess you’re right.” Jensen nudged at Jared’s arm with his own as a wide grin spread across his face. He leaned forward and grabbed his sandwich, then flopped back on the couch and took a giant bite, still looking up at Gen with smiling eyes. 

“Freaking adorable.” Gen’s eyes darted between the two of them before she turned and headed back to the counter. Jared cleared his throat once as he sat up to start on his own sandwich, letting out a long breath before taking a bite. He wasn’t quite sure why he was embarassed, other than the fact that his instant crush on Jensen had been so obvious, but he decided it didn’t really matter, because he was there, with Jensen, and apparently Jensen was happy enough about it to not care who knew. And that just made Jared happy, too. 

“Hey, I need to pick up something,” Jared said, pulling Jensen by his sleeve toward the drugstore they were passing on the way back to the dorm. Once inside Jared made a beeline for the hair dye, snatching up a box of black and quickly heading toward the register. 

“What, gotta do your roots?” Jensen snarked, shaking his head at Jared’s seemingly desperate need for hair dye. 

“Shut up, dick. Yes.” Jared snorted a laugh as he handed over his cash, took his change and headed back out of the store. The rest of the way back to the dorm Jensen teased Jared about his beauty regimen, with Jared getting in a few digs about Jensen’s perfectly lined eyes, asking him if he prefered Maybelline or Covergirl. 

“Oh, you’re way more girly than me!” Jensen exclaimed, his voice far too high-pitched in his exasperation to really prove his point as they pushed through the suite door, Jared chuckling at Jensen’s indignation. 

“Whatever you say, dear,” Jared deadpanned as he walked down the hallway toward his room, trying not to outright laugh at Jensen sputtering behind him. As they reached the foyer between the rooms, Chris poked his head out of his door. 

“Chris! Help me out here!” Jensen said, his tone growing more desperate. “Who’s girlier?” 

Chris blinked, his mouth falling open as he glanced between Jared and Jensen, taking in their expectant looks. His mouth turned up in a smirk before he answered. 

“Chad.” 

Jared and Jensen both burst out laughing as Chris pushed his door closed, retreating back into his room, away from his obviously over-caffeinated friends. 

Jared had been in the shower for close to twenty minutes, rinsing the dye from his hair, when Jensen decided he’d had enough of waiting. He pushed open the bathroom door slowly, stepped into the steamy room and closed the door without letting it make a sound. Just as quietly he slipped into the outer shower stall, and stripped his clothes off, then nonchalantly brushed the shower curtain back and stepped in next to Jared. Jensen wasn’t sure, but it might have been the fastest he’d ever seen someone blush. Jared’s hands dropped instantly to his groin, trying to cover himself as he turned his back to the shower wall, his eyes wide as he inhaled sharply. 

“Hi.” Jensen’s smirk was lascivious. 

“Dudewhatthefuck!” Jared’s voice was pitched high as he pushed back further against the wall, his eyes growing wider as Jensen took a step toward him and shrugged. 

“Got tired of waiting for you.” 

“Jensen, I’m…”

“Naked. I know.” Jensen grinned wider. “Me too.” 

Jared’s mouth fell partly open as his eyes lowered, raking down Jensen’s chest and coming to rest briefly at his half-hard dick before rising up to meet his eyes again. Jensen could see his shoulders relax, his expression darken slightly with lust as his brain caught up with what Jensen had in mind. Jensen took another step closer, the warm spray of water dousing him as he crossed the small space. He reached up with one hand, fingers sliding across Jared’s jaw and coming to rest at the back of his neck while he pulled him down for a kiss. He pressed their lips together firmly, his tongue coming out to pry at Jared’s lips and pulling a quiet sigh from him as their tongues met. 

Jensen knew Jared wasn’t quite ready for what he’d normally do in this situation, so instead of pressing him up against the wall with the length of his body, he kept a bit of distance between them, fingers of one hand tangling in the wet strands of Jared’s hair, his other hand sliding down over a slippery shoulder, tracing the contour of his bicep, then skipping over to rest on his bare hip, fingers pressing lightly. 

A few more twists and turns of entangled tongues and Jared’s arms pulled up from where they’d still been resting in front of him, grasping at Jensen’s elbows and gently tugging him closer. Their chests pressed together as Jared’s hands slid up and back, coming to rest on the wings of Jensen’s shoulder blades. Jensen felt one of Jared’s legs shift, a slight step forward while his hands pulled him closer still, and their bodies lined up. 

All the air in Jensen’s lungs shot up and out of his mouth as their cocks pressed together, and his ears filled with the sound of Jared’s gasp. Jensen gripped the hair in his hand tighter, his mouth moving against Jared’s faster, tongues and lips twining and sliding, the heat between them sending the coil of want from his gut up through his limbs until he had to pull away, had to look Jared in the eye. 

“Jared,” Jensen said, the name coming out on a puff of air. “Wanna taste you….” 

Jensen felt the tremble run through Jared’s body, watched his eyes slip closed and his throat work as he swallowed. When he opened his eyes, his mouth fell open, words stuck, no sound coming out. Jensen slid his hand forward, let his thumb graze across his cheek. 

“What is it?” Jensen’s voice was quiet as his other hand rose from Jared’s hip, up to his waist where his fingers rubbed gently. 

“I’ve never…” Jared swallowed thickly again. 

“I know.” A soft smile spread across Jensen’s lips. 

“I can’t… I don’t know how….” 

“Hey, hey…” Jensen raised his hand from Jared’s waist to cup the other side of his face, holding his gaze steady, eyes locked. “It’s okay. You’ll learn. Right? It doesn’t matter to me that you’ve never done any of this. Okay?” 

“But…” Jared’s eyes widened with his protest. 

“Don’t worry about reciprocating,” Jensen interrupted. “You’ll get there. And in the meantime – honestly I get off on giving as much as receiving, so…”

Jared’s eyes slipped closed again, the tension in his shoulders deflating as he nodded. Jensen leaned forward, pressing his mouth against Jared’s again, his hands sliding down Jared’s back and coming to rest just above the curve of his ass. They continued kissing, tongues working together, Jared’s hands tentatively moving, exploring Jensen’s skin. When Jensen felt the slight thrust of Jared’s hips against his own, their cocks sliding against each other pulling a low moan from both of them, Jensen moved his mouth to Jared’s jaw. He sucked and nipped down to his neck, pausing to run his tongue over his pulse point and smirking at the groan it elicited. Slowly he worked his way downward, biting at Jared’s collarbone, sucking light red marks on the skin of his rounded pecs. Soon Jensen was dragging his tongue down his sternum and over solid abdominal muscles while lowering himself to his knees. 

He settled in front of Jared, pausing with his hands on his hips and glanced up to meet Jared’s eyes, watched as Jared’s head fell backward against the wall when he leaned forward, tongue swiping up from the base of Jared’s cock. He felt Jared’s fingers tighten on his shoulder, heard the gasp as his tongue passed over the tight bundle of nerves just below the head, and smiled at the whispered ‘fuck’ when he pressed the tip of Jared’s dick past his lips. 

Grasping the base of the shaft, Jensen fed Jared’s cock slowly into his mouth, working it in and out in increments, his tongue swirling over veins and across the head with each pass. Relaxing his throat to take in more of his length, Jensen tightened his grip and started a slow rhythm, hand following mouth to slide up and down. Jared’s stuttering pants only egged Jensen on, bobbing faster and hollowing his cheeks as he increased the pressure of suction. 

It wasn’t long before Jared’s thighs were trembling, his balls drawing tight. Jensen gripped Jared’s hip tighter, pulling him closer as he raced toward orgasm. Jensen could feel his own dick throbbing between his legs and he let go of Jared’s cock to latch on to his own, pulling in time with his mouth. He let out a long moan, the sound vibrating up from his throat to Jared’s cock. Jared moaned as his body tensed, his hips thrusting forward involuntarily and his cock twitching in Jensen’s mouth before shooting hot into his throat. Swallowing repeatedly, Jensen felt his own body tighten and tense, groaning around Jared’s dick as his vision whited out and he spilled over his hand. 

Jensen pulled off, giving one last lick around the head of Jared’s cock before pushing himself up to standing, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Jared, pulling him close and listening to his fast, panting breath for a moment before kissing him again, firm presses of lips filling his ears with smacking sounds. He pulled back slightly, meeting Jared’s eyes with his own. 

“You okay?” Jensen smirked. 

“Fuck… yeah.” Jared was still breathless, but the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. “Awesome.” 

“Good.” Jensen pressed another kiss to Jared’s lips. “Let’s get outta here before we turn into prunes.” 

Jared nodded, pushing off the wall to stand up fully, only slightly unsteady on his legs. They quickly toweled off and dressed, then headed out of the bathroom. When Jensen pulled the door open, a plume of steam billowing into the foyer, a crisp, white sheet of paper fluttered from where it had been taped to the door. With a quick glance back at Jared, he tugged it off and read it. In scrawling capital letters, it read ‘DUDES! NO SHOWER SEX! FUCKING PERVS!’

Jensen held it up, laughing at Jared as his eyes grew wide and his face beet red. 


	16. Chapter 16

Jared started to step away from Jensen, toward his own room – not really thinking of anything other than getting out of the hallway to avoid Chris and Chad, not knowing which one of them wrote the note. He barely got turned in the direction of his room when Jensen’s hand wrapped around his wrist and tugged, pulling him slightly off balance but into Jensen’s room, the door swinging shut behind him. 

“You’re not getting away that easy, buddy.” Jensen came up behind Jared, his arms sliding around his waist and settling tight around his middle. Jared could feel the warm breath between his shoulders where Jensen’s mouth was pressed, the firmness of his body pressed up against his back. He let out a soft chuckle when Jensen pushed forward, marching them both to the bed. Once Jared’s knees were pressed up against the mattress, Jensen let go, stepping around Jared and flopping down, then reaching out for Jared with his hand waving, beckoning him to the bed, too. It only took a few moments for them to settle in, facing each other with their legs tangled and Jensen’s hand loose on Jared’s hip. “You okay?” 

“Yeah.” Jared smiled, reaching out to press his hand against Jensen’s chest. “Just not sure who to be embarrassed around – Chad or Chris.”

“Oh, the note?” Jensen laughed. “Must be Chad, that wasn’t Chris’s handwriting. Why be embarrassed? It was just a joke, I’m sure.” 

Jensen reached up and brushed the hair from Jared’s forehead, while Jared felt his face heating up again. 

“I don’t know, it’s just… sorry, I must seem really…”

“Hey, no… don’t apologize for feeling how you feel, man – if people hearing us bothers you, we’ll just make sure no one hears us.” 

Jared sighed, his eyes darting down to where his hand rested against Jensen’s shirt. 

“It’s all just so… new.” 

“I remember the first time I hooked up – was with a girl, Trisha. We were thirteen, in her parent’s basement rec room. Making out and groping each other. We got so into it, we didn’t hear her mom come down the stairs. Man, I ran so fast out of there… never went back, I couldn’t face her mom after that.” 

“I have a hard time picturing you embarrassed – about anything, but especially about sex,” Jared said, chuckling. 

“Yeah, well, you get over it after a while. After it stops being such a big deal.” 

“Does it bother you? That it’s a big deal to me?” 

“Nah. I’ll have you converted into a sex fiend in no time.” Jensen grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Jared swatted at his chest with the back of his hand. 

“Jerk.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Jensen leaned forward, still smiling, and pressed his lips to Jared’s, lingering for a few moments before pulling back and looking into Jared’s eyes. “I meant… when I asked if you’re okay, I meant with how fast we’re going. I know I was kinda pushy, jumping in the shower with you like that. I kinda… well, I didn’t think it through before I did it.” 

“I think I’m good… I mean, I’m kind of overwhelmed, y’know? I went from never kissing anyone to getting sucked off in the shower in twenty four hours – not much time to process. But I liked it. I’ve liked everything we’ve done together.” 

“Okay, good. That’s good.” Jensen leaned in and kissed Jared’s forehead. “If you ever don’t want something you can tell me, okay? I won’t be mad. Even if we’ve done it before and you’re just not in the mood, just tell me and I’ll stop, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay.” Jared shimmied a little closer, his arm snaking around Jensen’s chest till his palm rested flat on his back. “I’m good with everything so far, but maybe… maybe we can just back off a little for a day? Just till I get my head wrapped around everything.”  

“Of course.” Jensen smiled, then pressed his lips to Jared’s again, then jerked his head back. “Kissing okay though?” 

“Yeah… yeah kissing is good.” Jared’s smile was framed with his dimples as he leaned forward, eagerly joining their lips again. Their kisses were not exactly chaste, but the heat that would lead to more had dissipated, and now they were simply immersing themselves in being close. It was a few minutes later when Jared slowly pulled away with a soft hum. He opened his eyes, a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. He cleared his throat quietly. “You know, I think it’s actually a good thing. That you push a little, I mean.” 

“Is that what you’re thinking about while you’re kissing me?” Jensen widened his eyes, put on an expression of mock-affront. 

“I… well…” Jared’s eyes darted back and forth in his sudden panic. 

“I’m kidding! Geez!” Jensen chuckled as he tugged at Jared, rocking him closer and gripping at his waist. 

“Again – jerk.” 

“I know.” Jensen smirked and pecked Jared on the lips. “So, what do you mean… that it’s good I’m pushy?” 

“Well, it’s…” Jared pushed himself back a bit so he could look Jensen in the eye without his own eyes crossing. “It’s like… I don’t think I’d make the first move, y’know? I’d probably settle for just kissing because I’m too nervous to go for anything more or ask for what I want. So if you left it up to me, we’d probably still just be staring at each other longingly.” 

“So, what do you want?” 

“Well, I’m not sure - that’s the thing. I haven’t  _ done  _ anything, so how do I know?”

“You’ve done some things. You’ve kissed.” Jensen leans forward and presses his lips to Jared’s, lingering for a moment. “You’re good at that.” 

“Yeah?” Jared’s mouth turns up in a smile, dimples peeking out, before he leans in to repeat the slow kiss. 

“Mm-hmm. Real good.” Jensen moves his mouth, kissing lightly across Jared’s jaw while shifting his body so he’s laying half on top of Jared. He rolls his hips forward, dragging his half-hard cock against Jared’s hip as his lips move down to Jared’s neck. “And frottage.” 

“Mmm…” Jared hums, his own hips rocking up while he turns his head to make room for Jensen’s mouth. “That… that was good.” 

“And blowjobs…” Jensen sucked hard at the spot on Jared’s neck just below his ear, grinning slightly at the stilted gasp it pulled from Jared’s mouth. “I  _ know  _ you liked that…”

“Ngh… yeah…” 

“What if I reached down and…” Jensen slid one hand down Jared’s torso, coming to rest on his hip, fingertips just barely grazing the hard line of Jared’s dick. “...wrapped my hand around your cock, and started stroking?” 

“Oh god…” Jared’s hips thrust forward again, barely catching any friction because Jensen’s hand and thigh were both just to the side of his now-hard cock. “Yeah…” 

“And what if I took my hand… and slid it…” Jensen’s hand moved from Jared’s hip, around and underneath to grip at his ass. “...to your ass, let my finger find your hole…” 

“Fuck…” Jared rolled his hips once more, angling to the side to catch on Jensen’s thigh, while at the same time making more space for Jensen’s hand on his ass. “Shit… I just…” 

“It’s okay, Jay.” Jensen moved from Jared’s neck back up to his mouth, pulling his bottom lip in between his own to suck briefly, then let go. “You don’t have to know yet.” 

Jensen pulled his hand from Jared’s ass, reaching up to brush the hair from his forehead, look him in the eye and smile down at him. 

“Okay.” Jared returned the smile with a short nod, his hand coming up to wrap around Jensen’s wrist where it’d come to rest against his collarbone. 

They settled in against each other again, mouths coming together and moving languidly, the sounds of gentle smacks echoing in the room. The rest of the evening was spent wrapped up in each other, alternately kissing and talking quietly until they both drifted off to sleep. 

Jared’s eyes shot open, the dim light coming from under the door slowly bringing the room into focus. A garbled noise filled his ears from his right side, and as he turned his head to look at Jensen, his rapid breathing began to filter into Jared’s consciousness. Even in the murky gray of the darkened room Jared could see the sweat beaded up on Jensen’s temples, and as his mind focused more he could feel the trembling of Jensen’s body next to his. 

Jensen’s shoulders jolted and another strangled shout pushed out from his closed mouth, a muffled noise caught in his throat that sent a cold chill of panic up Jared’s spine. 

Jared pushed himself up from the bed, resting on his elbow. He leaned forward and pressed his palm to Jensen’s chest and gently rubbed back and forth. 

“Jensen,” Jared whispered, stilling his hand as he spoke, trying not to startle him from his nightmare. “Hey… hey c’mon, you’re okay….” 

A quiet whimper came up from Jensen’s throat, and he turned his head slightly toward Jared, toward the sound of his voice. 

“You’re okay, Jensen, c’mon… wake up, okay?” Jared leaned little closer as he spoke, doing his best to keep his voice calm. He rubbed his palm back and forth against Jensen’s chest again. “Hey… hey, Jensen…” 

Jensen’s eyes flew open with a sharp inhale, the whites seeming to glow brightly in the darkness as his lids spread wide. His panicked gaze darted around, then finally found Jared’s face and he exhaled with a shudder that spread from his shoulders downward. He took in another slow, deep breath and let his eyes fall closed as he exhaled, then opened his eyes again to meet Jared’s concerned attention. 

“Hey… you alright?” Jared’s fingers gripped at the fabric of Jensen’s t-shirt. Jensen nodded slowly, shifting a bit on the bed as he took another deliberate breath. 

“Yeah.” Jensen’s voice was rough, barely a croak coming out. “Nightmare.” 

“I figured. Anything I can do?” Jared let his thumb stroke at Jensen’s sternum. He watched as Jensen’s throat worked, swallowing thickly while he shook his head. 

“No… just…” Jensen turned onto his side, shimmying down the bed slightly as he curled himself against Jared’s chest, ducking his head into the space where neck meets shoulder. “Just…”

“Hey, it’s okay…” Jared pulled his arm from between their bodies and wrapped it around Jensen, his hand coming to rest on his back between his shoulder blades, a gentle pressure pulling him close. “I’ve got you, you’re okay.” 

Jared could feel the warm moisture of Jensen’s breath on his neck as he exhaled, could feel him relax into Jared’s embrace. He worked his other arm underneath Jensen’s torso, pulling him tighter with his other hand pressed to the small of Jensen’s back. The trembling in Jensen’s body slowly began to subside as he breathed slowly, in and out against Jared’s neck. After a few more minutes Jensen pulled in one more deep breath, exhaling slowly as he pulled away enough that he could look up into Jared’s eyes. 

“Sorry.” Jensen whispered the word, his eyes filling with tears, not quite enough to fall over his eyelids and spill down. “I’m sorry.” 

“No, no… it’s okay. I get it, alright? I do.” Jared leaned forward and brushed his lips against Jensen’s temple. “A few nightmares won’t scare me away, I promise.” 

“Jared…” Jensen closed his eyes and let his head drop back to Jared’s neck, his right arm worming up from between them to wrap around Jared’s back and pull him tight. “You’re kind of amazing, you know that?” 

Jared let out a huff of a laugh, grateful for the dark and the way Jensen’s head was buried as he felt his face heat up. 


	17. Chapter 17

Jensen shuffled down the hall to the common room where Chris was sitting, curled up on the couch with the TV on low. He slid down onto the opposite end of the couch, eyes on the television. 

“Mornin’,” Jensen said, his voice still rough with sleep. 

“Mornin’.” Chris glanced over at Jensen, then turned his attention back to the TV. “Jared spend the night again?” 

“Yup.” Jensen turned his head to stare at his friend, trying to figure out if Chris was really giving him attitude or if he was just checking in. Chris turned and met Jensen’s eyes before rolling his own eyes at the expression on Jensen’s face. 

“I’m not judging, alright? I’m really not, it’s just… seems fast.” 

“I know.” Jensen shrugs lightly. “But it feels right. And, not that it’s any of your business, but we mostly just talked last night. We are slowing down.” 

“Okay.” Chris nodded. “I’m just concerned. About both of you. I know you, Jen, and this kind of change might stir things up for you – just wanna make sure you’re both prepared for that.” 

“I had a nightmare last night.” Jensen blurts it out, snapping his head back to the television. 

“Shit. And?” 

“And… it was okay. I’m okay. Jared’s okay. He was actually really good about it. Helped me calm down and get back to sleep.” 

“You fell back asleep? You’ve never fallen back asleep after a nightmare!” 

“I know. I don’t know what it is, man… he made me feel safe again.” Jensen scratched at the hair on the back of his head. “Not that you don’t, but… well, y’know.” 

“Well, no, I don’t know…” 

“He…” Jensen let out a sigh. “He held me, just wrapped himself around me. And it helped.” 

“Huh. Never would have pegged you for a cuddler.” Chris smirked. 

“Shut up.” Jensen’s mouth turned up in a smile. “Guess all this time I was looking at relationships the wrong way.” 

“Guess so. But hey, whatever helps, right? And I’m sure as shit not gonna cuddle you out of a nightmare.” 

“Asshole.” Jensen swung his arm out to give Chris’s leg a smack, smiling when Chris smiled. 

“It’s fucking weird though.” 

“What is?” 

“All these years I’ve been looking out for you, now all of a sudden – feels like I don’t have to. Not sure what to do with myself.”

“Well, first of all you never  _ had  _ to – even though I do appreciate it – all of it. And I still need you, man. You know you’re like a brother to me.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Maybe now you can give Danni a little more attention, y’know? I know you’re into her, but you’ve been almost as distant about that relationship as I’ve been. Maybe it’s time to ramp things up.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe you’re right. It’s a wonder she’s put up with me this long.” 

“Woman’s a damn saint, if you ask me.” 

“I didn’t ask you, fucking asshole.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Jensen grinned as he pushed himself up from the couch. “I’m going to get coffee.”

 

“COFFEE!” Jensen bellowed down the hallway before turning to set the tray of cups and bag of various filled croissants down on the coffee table. Grabbing a cup of coffee for himself, he flopped down on the couch, inhaling the bitter steam while he waited. 

Chris was the first to arrive, hair still wet from the shower and dripping onto his shirt as he dove into the bag of pastries and settled into a chair across from Jensen. 

Jared shuffled in next, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he scooped up a cup then wedged himself next to Jensen’s side, letting his head drop down to Jensen’s shoulder and sipping slowly. Jensen smiled fondly, turning to press a kiss to the top of Jared’s head, breathing in the warmth of his sleep-tousled hair. 

“You’re kind of adorable when you’re half asleep,” Jensen said, smirking as he lifted an arm and dropped it around Jared’s shoulders, tugging him in closer to his side.

“Shut up… am not.” Jared grumbled, but leaned more of his weight against his boyfriend. 

“He’s actually right,” Chris said, grinning over the top of his coffee cup at the two of them.

“Fuck you.” Jared lifted his head and turned to look back down the hallway. “Where’s Chad? Pick on him.” 

“CHAD!” Chris bellered, leaning over in his chair to peer at the empty hall. “Jensen’s gonna drink your coffee if you don’t get out here!” 

A few minutes later, Chad wandered in, feet dragging over the carpet. He picked up the last cup from the table and rustled around in the paper bag to pull out a croissant, biting off a large chunk as he plopped into the chair next to Chris’s. 

“So, Chad…” Jensen took a long swallow from his coffee then looked pointedly over at Chad. “Got your note.” 

Chad’s eyes widened, his face growing pink at his cheeks while Jared ducked his head down further against Jensen’s shoulder with a quiet groan. After a moment Chad straightened and took a deep breath. 

“I walked in to take a piss and there was… moaning! That’s gross, dudes!” 

“Gross?” Jensen raised his eyebrows and smirked at Chad. “Why is it gross?” 

“Because! You’ll get…” Chad waved his hand vaguely in front of him. “Stuff… all over!” 

“Stuff?” Jensen barked out a laugh. “Trust me, there’s no come in the shower. I swallow.” 

Chad’s eyes widened to the point they were in danger of popping out of his head while he spluttered and coughed, his mouthful of croissant threatening to choke him. Jensen laughed, full-bodied as he tugged Jared closer.

“Jensen!” Jared lifted his free hand to cover his face as he groaned in embarrassment. 

“What? It’s true!” Jensen’s voice nearly squeaked with indignation at Jared’s protest. “And from what I saw, you enjoyed it, too….” 

“Ohgod…” Jared burrowed deeper into Jensen’s side. 

“Oh my god!” Chad ducked his head into his hand, covering his face that was looking slightly green. “Can we not? I really don’t need to know about your hot gay shower sex!” 

“C’mon Chad,” Chris piped up, reaching over to give Chad’s shoulder a shove. “Not like you wouldn’t have shower sex with a hot girl…  _ if  _ you brought one home.” 

“Hey! I could bring home plenty of girls!” Chad sat up straighter, outrage taking over his embarrassment now. “I’m just… being respectful of my roommates!”

Three voices burst out in laughter then, and Jared sat up, leaning forward.

“That’s total bullshit and you know it, Chad.” 

“It is not!” Chad’s voice squeaked, reminiscent of a pubescent boy. “I could go out right and bring back the hottest girl you’ve ever seen!” 

“Uh-huh. Suuuure….” Jensen chimed in, winking at Chad as he took a sip from his coffee. He turned his gaze to Chris, raised his eyebrows pointedly. “I think he’s jealous, how ‘bout you?” 

“Definitely.” Chris grinned as he nodded and bit off a mouthful of pastry.

“I am not!” Chad squeaked again. 

“Let it go, Chad. They’re just fucking with you.” Jared took a swallow from his cup to hide his grin. “Besides, just because you’ve been hell bent on hooking up since you got here, and I managed to do it effortlessly doesn’t make you any less manly.” 

“You all suck.” Chad pouted, slumping in his chair as laughter filled the room. 

“Chad, man…” Jensen said after regaining his composure. “We  _ are  _ just fucking with you. And seriously, we’ll be more careful and keep it behind closed doors, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” Chad shifted in his chair uncomfortably. “No way I want to think about you guys shoving your dicks down each other’s throats.” 

Chris and Jensen burst out laughing again, but Jared just grinned. Jensen’s ease about sex must have started rubbing off on him, because he was suddenly feeling brave – and possibly a little turned on by the joking conversation they’d been having about their experience in the shower the day before. He looked over at Jensen’s smiling face, still grinning himself, and pulled out from under Jensen’s arm to stand. He set his coffee cup on the table and looked purposely directly at Chad. 

“Yeah, we definitely wouldn’t want you thinking about us sucking cock.” He winked at Chad, then turned, grabbing hold of Jensen’s hand, tugging him up from the couch and dragging him down the hallway to Jensen’s bedroom to the sound of Chad spluttering and Chris cackling.

Jensen chuckled as Jared pushed him up against the closed bedroom door, but quickly quieted when Jared’s mouth was suddenly over his, tongue prying his lips apart and pushing in to twine against his own. His hands slid up Jared’s arms, coming to rest gripping at his shoulders. He smiled when they broke the kiss, tilting his head slightly in curiosity. 

“What’s this?” Jensen asked, meeting Jared’s eyes. 

“I dunno… just...” Jared shrugged. “Guess it’s starting to not be such a big deal. And… I want you.” 

“Well…” Jensen hummed when Jared ducked his head, lips starting to work at the warm skin of his neck just below his ear. “Alright then…” 

Jared lowered his teeth to the skin of Jensen’s neck, causing Jensen to gasp as he dragged his mouth lower. When he reached Jensen’s collarbone, he dropped his lips and began sucking. At the same time, his hands moved to Jensen’s waistband, long fingers working open the button and zipper quickly. Once Jared had his fingers wrapped around the fabric of Jensen’s jeans and boxers, he started tugging, lowering himself to his knees along with Jensen’s pants. 

“Hey, hey…” Jensen whispered, the fingers of one hand sliding under Jared’s chin and lifting, bringing their eyes together. “You sure?” 

“Yeah,” Jared said, smirking then licking his lips. “It’s college. I’m here to learn.”

“Oh god… okay.” Jensen said, swallowing thickly at the sight of Jared’s lascivious grin. “Let’s get on the bed though… it’ll be easier.” 

Jared nodded once, stood and gripped Jensen’s wrist to tug him across the room. Jensen stepped out of his pants as he walked, then climbed up on the bed pulling his shirt off and tossing it. Jared kneeled on the end of the mattress after him, shedding his own shirt before shuffling up, pressing his knees between Jensen’s legs. He leaned forward, planting his hands on either side of Jensen’s head, kissing him hard, his mouth and tongue gliding over Jensen’s with a desperation, a determination neither of them had felt before. 

Soon Jared was ducking lower again, dragging his tongue along Jensen’s jaw, his throat, down to his chest and pausing at a nipple. He flicked his tongue out, firm over the hardened nub, his breath cooling the saliva and sending a chill up Jensen’s spine. Jared’s lips fell around the nipple, sucking it up toward his teeth, his tongue still flickering quickly. When Jared closed his teeth around it and tugged, Jensen arched into it, pressing his chest against Jared’s mouth. With a long, hard suck Jared let go and moved across Jensen’s chest to repeat the process on the other side until Jensen couldn’t hold back the moan. 

Jared continued downward, nipping and teasing with his tongue all the way down Jensen’s chest and stomach to his hip, where he paused long enough to suck a bruise into the sensitive skin there that had Jensen keening and rocking his hips up. Jared’s hand slid up Jensen’s opposite thigh, his thumb tracing the crease from the outside in, then moving upward to lightly rub across Jensen’s balls. On the other side, Jared licked a wide swath over the same space, meeting his own thumb in the middle, then slowly, tortuously running wet and hot up the side of Jensen’s hard, twitching cock. He paused just for a second before he reached the head, then continued on, circling the nerve-filled flesh with the tip of his tongue. His hand slid up, fingers wrapping around the base to hold Jensen’s dick steady as he swiped his tongue up from the little bundle of nerves and up over the slit, lapping up the drop of precome that had collected there. 

Encouraged by Jensen’s moaning and the sight of him gripping the sheet at his sides when he darted his eyes up, Jared dropped his mouth back to the head of his cock and pressed down, parting his lips to take in the warm flesh. He pressed his tongue down against the slit again, reversing the previous move as he sucked the head into his mouth. Slowly inching downward until he felt he couldn’t take any more, Jared let his tongue slip back and forth across the thick vein as he moved. Then he worked his way back up, until just the tip was left in his mouth and he could flick at the slit with his tongue, tasting the salty, bitter fluid that was steadily leaking now. 

With his confidence growing, Jared took Jensen in again, quicker this time, his fingers joining the movement, and soon he was bobbing up and down, his own spit slicking the way while Jensen writhed and gasped, moaning Jared’s name a few times. It took just a minute or two before Jared could feel Jensen’s cock stiffening further, his balls drawing up tight, so he increased the suction and speed, pulling a loud moan from Jensen’s throat just before his whole body was tensing, his cock twitching then spilling hot ropes of come into Jared’s mouth. 

Jared kept up the movement, swallowing down as much of Jensen’s come as he could, until he felt Jensen’s body relax underneath him. Then, with one final long suck, his tongue catching a few stray drops, he pulled off and looked up at Jensen’s face. 

More than how effortless giving his first blowjob had been, Jared was surprised by the sweat beaded up on Jensen’s forehead, and the blissed out, breathless expression on his face. While he’d always known he wanted to lick and suck a guy’s cock, just the thought of it always turning him on, that look on Jensen’s face made the whole thing that much hotter. 

Jared grinned as he shifted himself upward, pressing his body on top of Jensen’s and his lips against Jensen’s still-panting mouth. Jensen’s arms wrapped around Jared’s body, holding him tight while they kissed and licked at each other’s mouths for a few minutes. When they finally pulled apart, Jensen chuckled. 

“I think I’ve been had.” 

“What do you mean?” Jared furrowed his brow, confused. 

“There’s no way that was your first time.” Jensen laughed again, while Jared ducked his head and chuckled. 

“Sorry, but it’s true. So… I guess that was okay?” 

“Fuck – okay? That was awesome!”

“Good.” Jared grinned, sliding down a bit to tuck his head between Jensen’s shoulder and neck. “Because I kinda really liked it. I’m probably going to want to do that a lot.” 

“Fuck…” Jensen breathed, leaning his chin against the top of Jared’s head. “You’re gonna kill me.”


	18. Chapter 18

Two weeks later Jensen woke up suddenly, pain shooting through his left ass-cheek. He’d rolled over in his sleep and right onto the floor. Again. The thud and resulting shout must have woken Jared, because seconds later his laughing face was hovering over Jensen’s where he lay flat on his back. 

“Dude,” Jared said, barely reining in his chuckling. “You alright?” 

“That fucking hurt.” Jensen pried himself up to sitting, only glaring at Jared a little. “This isn’t gonna work.” 

“You want me to go back to my room so you can get some sleep?” Jared’s smile faded, replaced by the shadow of a hurt puppy look. 

“C’mon. We’re gonna fix this.” Jensen stood, threw on a shirt and a pair of shorts – not even sure if they were his or Jared’s – and headed out the door. 

The two of them made quick work of hauling Jared’s bed across the hall, at three in the morning, and into Jensen’s room. They probably pissed off their downstairs neighbor when they shoved Jensen’s desk out of the way to make space for the extra bed, but by three-thirty they were settling back in to sleep, the two beds pushed together to make one big bed. 

The next day they moved Jensen’s desk across the hall to Jared’s room along with all of Jensen’s school books and supplies – Jared’s room became the study room, Jensen’s the bedroom. Once they got a full-sized sheet to cover the two mattresses and zip-tied the legs of the frames together to keep them from slipping apart, they both slept a lot better. 

 

Jared was halfway through his essay when the first M&M pinged off his keyboard and skittered to a stop just before dropping off the corner of the desk. He ignored it, keeping his focus on his writing. Five minutes later another M&M landed between the 6 and 7 keys. Jared picked it up and popped it in his mouth, but still didn’t turn around. He heard Jensen’s frustrated sigh behind him, but didn’t give in, just kept typing. It was ten minutes later, when five M&Ms clattered in different directions across his desk that he finally gave in and wheeled his chair around to face his boyfriend on the other side of the room. 

“What the fuck, Jen? I’m trying to work!” Jared scowled at Jensen. 

“But I’m bored.” 

“You finish your essay?” 

“Haven’t started.” Jensen leaned back in his chair, letting his head fall back, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t have anything to write about – ‘descriptive personal essay’ – I don’t even know what that means!” 

“Morgan explained what he wants – it’s only five pages, and it’s fifteen percent of your grade. You kind of have to write it.” Jared gave a pointed look as Jensen dropped his head back down and rolled his eyes.

“I seriously have nothing to write about!” Jensen threw his hands up as he spoke. “I’m a photographer – I make images with a camera, why do I have to write descriptions?” 

“Okay,” Jared said, rolling his chair across the room to sit next to Jensen. “It’s not really about descriptions. Think of it like telling a story. Like – something that happened in your life that shapes who you are. What’s something that happened in your life like that?” 

“I don’t know!” Jensen let out a growl. “Aside from almost being raped nothing interesting ever happened to me. And I’m  _ not  _ writing about that.” 

“What about photography? How’d you discover that?” Jared asked, laying a hand to Jensen’s shoulder and squeezing lightly. 

“My grandfather taught me.” 

“That’s perfect! So write about your grandfather – what he was like, what kind of photos he took, how he started teaching you,  _ what  _ he taught you. Maybe describe one of your favorite photos of his, or what it was about his photos that made you interested in photography.”

“Huh. I guess I can do that. But I doubt I’ve got enough to fill five freaking pages.” 

“Well, write as much as you can, and when you’re tapped out, let me read it and I’ll help you figure out what you can add.” 

Jensen turned to look at the blank screen of his laptop, considering for a moment, then whipped back around to face Jared. He reached out with one hand, gripping the back of Jared’s neck, pulling him closer and pressed their lips together. They both sank into the kiss for a few moments, lingering over the slow slide of slick skin against skin before Jensen pulled away slowly, letting his forehead rest against Jared’s. 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Jared reached up, wrapped his fingers around Jensen’s wrist and pulled it off his neck, giving it an affectionate squeeze. “Less kissing. More writing.” 

“Yes, dear.” Jensen smirked as he turned back around to his laptop, while Jared scooted back to his own, picking up the M&Ms scattered over his desk and munching on them before he got back to work. 

Jared sat on the ground under the bright yellow leaves of a maple tree in the Public Garden. He was in the corner of the park, away from the pond and the swan boats, hardly any people milling around so it was quiet enough to sit there reading his assignment for Lit class and still enjoy the crisp fall air of early October. As the semester had geared up, Jared often found himself on his own on Friday afternoons, studying or writing outside or in a coffeehouse or library somewhere, just for the change of scenery, since Jensen needed to spend time making prints of his photos. He’d sent a text to Jensen letting him know where to find him after he was done in the photography studio so they could go out to dinner. 

It was just starting to darken to dusk when Jensen finally flopped down next to Jared and dropped his bag between his legs, dragging open the zipper and pulling out a folder. 

“Hey. So, I gotta ask you something.” Jensen held the folder tightly in his hands, facing Jared with a serious expression. “And please hear me out before you just say no, okay?” 

“Okay….” Jared could tell Jensen was nervous which made  _ him  _ nervous, too.

“So, those photos we took, with the laser light. I showed them to my advisor, and he – he really liked them. He wants me to do my senior show with them. But, the thing is, the show has to have like a theme, or tell a story or something – and I don’t have enough shots yet. You’d have to sign a model release, but I promise they’ll all be similar to these, no one will be able to really tell who it is in the photos… so… will you do it? Please?” 

Jensen pulled out the prints from the folder, passing them over for Jared to look through. The first was one of the ones they’d taken with Jared’s black shirt, the red lines of light dim. They progressed through to the ones with Jared shirtless, the lines bright and glowing – and Jared could tell where Jensen was going with the idea. 

“Jensen, I don’t know…”

“I know you’re shy about your body, but seriously – you shouldn’t be. And I promise, it’ll all be very tasteful and no one will know it’s you. I’m really excited about the idea, and I know I’ll do really well with the whole show if I can do this. Please?” 

Jared sighed and tossed his book to the side, then flipped through the photos again. 

“You’re gonna make me get naked for this, aren’t you?” 

“A little?” Jensen raised his eyebrows in an innocent expression. 

“How can it be a  _ little  _ naked??” 

“Well, you’ll be naked when I take the photo, but the photos won’t really  _ show  _ anything! I promise – tasteful.” Jensen bit his bottom lip, eyes pleading. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Jared muttered as he ran a hand up through his hair. “Okay.” 

“Okay? Really?” Jensen’s face broke out into a grin that made Jared chuckle. 

“Yes, I’ll do it. But you’re so going to owe me for this!” 

“I’m okay with that. Laundry service. Blowjobs. Whatever you want.” Jensen leaned over and kissed Jared, a quick but firm peck on the lips, grinning wider as he pulled away. “And to start – dinner is on me. You ready to go?” 

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Jared packed up his things into his bag, sighing and shaking his head as he stood up, wondering what the fuck he’d just gotten himself into. 

Later that night, Jensen set up the common room with his backdrop and Jared, once again shirtless, sitting in front of it. They took several shots similar to the first time, with Jared sitting on a stool facing the camera, but then Jensen had him stretch out on the floor, leaning on his elbows with his head tilted back. He focused on tracing the light over the long expanse of Jared’s neck in what he hoped would turn out to be sensuous curves and curls. Next was Jared’s back, long lines tracing the lean muscles and broad expanses of skin. Jensen found his throat dry and his pants slightly too tight by the time he was done with the half-dozen or so shots, so he decided to move things into the bedroom.

Jensen was surprised when Jared only hesitated briefly after he asked him to strip his pants off. It may have been the long, languorous kiss they’d shared once they were behind closed doors, but Jensen was glad his boyfriend seemed to be more comfortable with the whole idea. As excited as he was about the project, he really was worried about pushing Jared too far out of his comfort zone with it, and he was relieved to see that Jared seemed to honestly be onboard with it. 

The first shot had Jared on his stomach, the black fabric of the bedsheet draped over his lower body so just the top curve of his ass was revealed. Again, Jensen traced the long lines of Jared’s body with the light in broad swipes that would accentuate his height even while he was laying down. 

The next one took a little more to set up, jockeying the tripod around to get the aerial angle Jensen wanted. Of course, Jensen tripping and landing half on top of Jared on the bed only drew out the process when it resulted in an impromptu make-out session that neither of them really wanted to stop, but the call of the camera ended up winning out in the end. 

After that, Jensen asked Jared to roll over on his side, and Jared finally protested. 

“I thought you said this was going to be tasteful!” Jared said, pushed up on his elbows, still laying on his stomach. 

“It is – I promise, I’m not going to light your dick or anything.” 

“But…” Jared sighed, then dropped his face down to the pillows. Jensen stepped out from behind his tripod to sit on the edge of the bed, dropping a hand to Jared’s back. 

“Really, Jared, I promise.” 

Jared’s growl was muffled in the pillow, then he raised his head again and looked up at Jensen. 

“Give me a few minutes?” 

“Okay…” Jensen started to back off, but then it dawned on him. “Wait, are you embarrassed because you’re hard?” 

Jared dropped his head back down and nodded into the pillow. 

Jensen grinned, then shifted onto the bed. He swung one knee over Jared’s waist, dropping his weight down on his ass and leaned forward, kissing the back of his neck slowly.  

“Well, then maybe we should be done for the night.” 

Jared’s moan was all the answer he needed, and Jensen continued kissing and licking, this time drawing lines with his tongue down the body he’d been staring at for hours. 

Jared quietly opened the bedroom door after his post-run shower and slipped inside, pushing it closed behind him. He paused for a moment, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light, then climbed up on the bed, dropping his knees to either side of Jensen’s hips. He grinned at the little sleepy groan that pushed up from Jensen’s chest, then dropped down on his elbows, lightly kissing Jensen – just a brush of lips at first, then increasing in pressure until Jensen’s eyes finally fluttered open. Jared pulled back and smiled fully down at Jensen when a soft grin spread across his lips. 

“Hi,” Jensen whispered, wrenching his hands out from under the covers to come to rest on Jared’s hips. 

“Morning.” 

“What are you doing?” Jensen yawned halfway through the words, his back arching into a stretch. 

“Waking you up to ask you something.” 

“Yeah? What?” 

“Are you busy this afternoon? I have something to do and I want you to come with me.” 

“I was just going to go to the studio, but it can wait – what are we doing?” 

“Getting a tattoo.” Jared grinned wide, watching the surprise spread across Jensen’s face. 

“When did you decide to do that?” 

“About two years ago?” 

“Hmm… really?” 

“Yeah. My parents wouldn’t ever sign the waiver. But I’m eighteen now, so….” 

“Well… okay then.” Jensen rubbed a fist at one of his eyes. “What time?” 

“Three o’clock. The place is out by Fenway.” 

“Cool, yeah, I’ll go with you.” Jensen yawned again, stretching his arms up above his head then returning them to Jared’s waist. “What are you getting?” 

“Can’t tell you. You’ll have to wait and see.” Jared grinned, then shifted off Jensen and the bed. “Coffee?” 

“Yeah, yeah coffee.” Jensen dragged himself up to sitting. “Wait… why do I have to wait and see?” 

“Because.” Jared tossed a t-shirt from Jensen’s dresser over to him on the bed. 

“Because  _ why _ ?” Jensen pulled the shirt over his head, reached down for his jeans that were in a heap on the floor. 

“It’s a surprise!” Jared grabbed his jacket from the back of the door and slid it on. 

“Aww, c’mon – you already surprised me!” Jensen whined as he shoved his feet into his shoes. “Please?” 

“Nah. Maybe later.” Jared grinned as he grabbed the doorknob. 

“But  _ why _ ?”

“Because I like it when you beg.” Jared winked, ducked out the door and headed down the hallway. 

“Oh, I’m gonna kick your ass!” Jensen grabbed his jacket, slammed the door and took off down the hall after Jared. 

Jared sat in a chair in the waiting area of the tattoo parlor, one leg in constant motion, bouncing up and down rapidly. Jensen was wandering around, looking at the body jewelry and glancing over the drawings pinned to the walls. After a few minutes, he caught sight of Jared and his jackhammering knee, and dropped down into the chair next to him. 

“Nervous?” Jensen said, putting his hand on Jared’s thigh to stop the bouncing. 

“Ya think?” Jared laughed. 

“It can’t be that bad, right? Millions of people do it all the time.” 

“Yeah, I guess,” Jared sighed. “I just want it over already.” 

Just then the tattoo artist Jared had met with twice before to work up the design he wanted stepped out from behind the counter. 

“Hey, Jared, good to see you – ready?” 

Jared swallowed and took a deep breath, then stood, nodding. He leaned down, gave Jensen a quick peck on the lips. 

“Here goes.” 

“You’ll be fine, Jay! It’ll be awesome!” Jensen smiled up at Jared, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze.

Jared blew out a breath, turned, and followed the artist to the back. 

As soon as he was out of sight, Jensen jumped up to the counter and began speaking with the woman behind the desk. 

The first two hours, Jensen occupied himself. He looked through all the tattoo flash in the shop, played a few games on his phone, caught up on social media. By the third hour though, he was going stir crazy. He sent a quick text to Jared and ducked out of the shop and down the street to a coffeeshop. The guy had said about four hours, so Jensen didn’t linger, just walked back with his coffee, wondering why he’d agreed to wait there when Jared wouldn’t even let him watch. He’d managed to squeeze in an impromptu surprise for Jared while he waited, so he guessed it wasn’t all a loss. By the time he got back there was just a half-hour to go, so he sipped his coffee and played a few more games. 

Twenty minutes later, the artist came back out front and walked up to Jensen. 

“Hey, Jared wants to show you the finished product before we cover it up, you wanna come back?” 

“Absolutely,” Jensen said, jumping up from his chair and following the guy to the back of the shop. 

When they walked into the room, Jared was there, standing in front of a full-length mirror, shirtless. He looked up into the reflection when he heard footsteps, then turned around to face Jensen. 

On the left side of Jared’s chest in crisp, black lines was a lotus flower, petals spread wide in full bloom. Underneath it lay concentric circles of water rippling outward on his skin. Below the surface of the water, in intricate fine lines right over Jared’s heart, was a bundle of roots leading down from the flower, forming the shape of an anatomical heart. 

Jensen felt his jaw lower, his mouth gaping open as he stared at the tattoo. 

“Holy shit, Jay…” Jensen stepped a little closer, taking a better look. “That’s amazing – what’s it mean? To you, I mean?”

“Well, lotus flowers grow out of mud and muck, right? So it’s like coming out of the darkness, beauty from the depths. And I made the roots into a heart, because it’s like – it all came from love, y’know?”

“That’s really cool, Jay.”  

“You like it?” Jared said, his smile beaming, dimples deep in his cheeks. 

“Hell yeah, I really like it…” Jensen resisted the urge to reach up and touch Jared’s chest, the red of his skin making it obvious it’d be tender. “What about you? No regrets?” 

“No way… I fucking love it…” Jared turned back to the mirror, gazing at the tattoo again.

They got Jared’s tattoo cleaned and disinfected, covered over to protect it while it healed. As Jared pulled his shirt back on, Jensen smirked. 

“Hey, I got a surprise for you, too.” 

“Oh yeah? What?” Jared looked up, curious. 

Jensen whipped his shirt up to his neck, revealing a small silver ring dangling from his right nipple that hadn’t been there before. 

“No way!” Jared stepped up to get a closer look. “Why just one?” 

“Because,” Jensen muttered as he pulled his shirt back down. “I like the asymmetry.” 

“Bullshit, you do not – you’re always going on about symmetry in photographs!” 

Jensen rolled his eyes. 

“Fine. It hurt, okay. A lot.” 

“Really? That bad?” 

Jensen sighed. 

“I puked.” 

Jared burst out laughing, grabbed Jensen by the wrist and pulled him out to the front of the shop to pay his bill. 


	19. Chapter 19

Jared’s phone buzzed on the nightstand late on Sunday morning. He and Jensen had been lazing in bed, the first light snow of winter falling outside the window even though it was only the first week of November. Jared reached out of their cocoon with a groan and pulled the phone up to his ear. 

“Hi Mom.” Jared settled back in against Jensen’s chest as he spoke. 

“Jared, honey you sound awful! Are you sick?” His mom’s mile-a-minute concern immediately started grating on Jared’s nerves.

“No, I’m fine, Mom. I was just napping.” 

“Shouldn’t you be studying?” 

“I will later, I have to sleep sometime.” 

“Well, I suppose you’re right.” She chuckled lightly, then cleared her throat before continuing. “So, sweetie what’s your schedule like before the Thanksgiving break? Your father and I were looking at flights for you to come home that weekend, and we need to buy the tickets soon before the prices go up.” 

“About that, Mom…” Jared winced as he sat up, the blankets pooling around his waist. Jensen’s hand was immediately on the small of his back, rubbing lightly – they’d talked about staying in the dorms over Thanksgiving, and Jared had been dreading telling his parents he wouldn’t be home. The simple touch was reassuring. “I’m going to stay here that weekend.”

“What? You’re not coming home? For Thanksgiving?” His mom’s voice raised in pitch as she spoke. “Why not?” 

“Well, it’s just… I have a lot of work to get through before the end of the semester – papers and finals to study for.”

“But it’s Thanksgiving!” Her incredulous tone was high-pitched and piercing. “You can study here!” 

“Mom, you know our house is a zoo the whole weekend with all the family there. I won’t be able to hear myself think.” 

“Well, you could go to the library, then. I really want you home for the holiday, Jared.” 

“What’s the point in coming home if I’m just going to spend all my time at the library? It’d be a waste of money to fly all the way there just to hole up studying and not even see you.” 

“That’s not the point, I just don’t like the idea of you being alone – on Thanksgiving!” 

“I won’t be alone, Mom, Jensen is staying here, too.” 

“The family will miss you, though!” 

“I know they will, but I really need to study. I have to keep my grades up to keep my scholarship, and it’s just too busy right now to take the time off.” 

Jared heard his mother sigh on the other end of the phone, then listened to the silence – he could almost see her face screwed up in disapproval, then softening into acceptance.

“Well, I don’t like it. Not one bit. But I suppose your schoolwork is important.” 

“It really is, Mom. I’d come home if I could.” 

“Okay. But next year you plan a little better so you can take the time off, okay?” 

“I will Mom, I promise.” 

They spoke for a few more minutes, his mom filling him in about the mundane things that had happened at home and Jared telling her that he’d gotten an A on the paper he’d turned in since they last spoke. After saying goodbye, Jared ended the call and tossed his phone back onto the nightstand, then flopped back on the bed with a frustrated sigh. 

“You okay? Sounds like it didn’t go too badly….” Jensen said, wrapping his arm around Jared’s waist. 

“Yeah, it’s fine. She’s just so frustrating. Like she thinks I’m still twelve or something.” 

“She’s a mom. Mine was the same way the first year – hell, the first two years I was away. It’ll get better after a while.” 

“Yeah, I guess….” Jared sighed, sinking into Jensen’s arms as he moved to lay his head on his chest. “I feel bad, you know? I can’t tell her everything, can’t tell her about you. And I want to, I just….” 

“You’re scared. I get it, Jay, I really do.” Jensen leaned over, kissed the top of Jared’s head. “But you’ll get there. You’ll know when the time is right.” 

“I’m gonna try,” Jared said, giving a squeeze to Jensen’s hip. “Over Christmas break, I’m gonna try to tell them.” 

“Good. That’s good, babe.” Jensen smiled as he pushed up and turned his body, rolling over so he was half laying on top of Jared and looking him in the eyes. “Now… how about we forget about all of that for a while?” 

“Hmm…” Jared hummed as he leaned up, smiling when he pressed his lips to Jensen’s. “You’re fucking insatiable.”

“Yup,” Jensen said, waggling his eyebrows. “It’s ‘cause you’re so hot.” 

Jensen carded his fingers through Jared’s hair, tilting his head as he leaned in for another kiss. Before long they were both naked, and the lazy hours of their Sunday afternoon were slipping by unnoticed. 

Late in the afternoon on the Friday after Thanksgiving Jared and Jensen were curled up on the sofa together. They were on the third movie of their Lord of the Rings marathon, the coffee table was littered with soda bottles, candy wrappers and a nearly-empty box of pizza. The rest of the dorm was quiet, almost everyone else having gone home or away for the long weekend, so when there was a knock on the door of the suite, they looked at each other in confusion. Untangling from each other, Jensen pulled on the sweatpants he’d tossed on the floor during the second movie and opened the door. 

“Hello, is Jared home?” The familiar voice sent a shockwave through Jared’s body, and he was up and at Jensen’s side at the door in seconds, not even thinking about the fact he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Standing there in the hallway were his mother and father. 

“Mom! Dad! What–” 

“Jared Tristan! What have you done to yourself!” His mother gasped, her eyes wide and focused on Jared’s chest and the black lines of his tattoo. Jensen ducked away from the door, and Jared could hear him shuffling around quickly, cleaning up the mess they’d made in the common room. 

“Can I say hello before you start yelling at me?” Jared stepped back from the door, swinging it wide to allow his parents to step inside. “What are you guys  _ doing  _ here?” 

“I had enough frequent flyer miles to cover the tickets, and your mother was upset you wouldn’t be home for the holiday, so we decided to surprise you.” Jared’s father stepped into the common room, followed by his mother. Jared plucked his shirt off the back of the couch, pulling it on before moving in to hug both of his parents. 

“Well, I’m definitely surprised.” Jared moved back after kissing his mom on the cheek. “Oh… this is Jensen.” He gestured to where Jensen was standing a few feet away, watched as his father stepped closer, offering his hand. “Jensen, my mom Nancy, my dad Warren.” 

“Nice to meet you both.” 

“Jared, sweetie, could you show me to the restroom?” Nancy said, taking Jared’s hand. “And then we’re going to have a talk about that tattoo.” 

“Sure, Mom.” Jared turned to Jensen and his father. “I’ll be right back.” 

As Jared led his mom down the hallway, Jensen turned to Jared’s father. 

“Have a seat, please…” he said, gesturing to the sofa. “Would you like a drink? Water, Coke – Chris left some beer behind, but it’s the cheap stuff.” 

“Water would be great, thanks,” Warren said, lowering himself down to sit on the couch. “So there’s four of you living here?” 

“Yes, sir – Chris and I are seniors, Chad and Jared are freshmen.” Jensen pulled a bottle of water from the fridge, then handed it to Jared’s dad. “Thought it was going to be a problem living with freshman at first, but Chad and Jared are both good guys. We all get along pretty well.” 

Jared came back down the hallway, his eyes panicked, his face pale. Jensen wanted nothing more than to go to him, put his hands on him – and he felt slightly anxious himself that he couldn’t. 

“So how was your flight, Dad?” Jared sat down on the arm of the couch next to his father, glancing briefly over at Jensen as if to apologize for not moving closer. 

“It wasn’t bad, as flights go.” Jared’s dad reached out, patted his son’s knee. “So how do you like college so far? Your mother always hogs you when we get you on the phone.” 

“It’s really good. A lot of work, but I love it.” Jared smiled down at his father.

“Jared, honey? Which bedroom is yours? I want to see it!” Nancy called from down the hallway, and Jared’s eyes widened as he realized – he didn’t really have a bedroom, because he and Jensen had been sharing for months now.

“Oh god…” Jared muttered, then looked up at Jensen whose face had gone as pale as Jared’s felt. “I guess now is as good a time as any….” 

Jared watched as Jensen let out a breath, his shoulders slumping. His boyfriend nodded at him, his eyes closing slowly – the unspoken show of support bolstering him.

“Come on, Dad.” Jared stood, gesturing down the hallway. “I have something to tell both of you.” 

Jared led his father down the hall, Jensen following a few steps behind. When they reached the foyer, his mom was standing there, looking expectantly at the four closed doors. 

“It’s this one, right? Number three?” Nancy said, gesturing to Jared’s assigned room. 

“Yeah, listen, Mom, Dad…” Jared stepped up to the door, laying a hand on the knob and pausing before opening it. “Just… well, come in and have a seat, and I’ll explain.” 

With that, Jared opened the door and stepped inside, turning around quickly to face his parents. He watched his father’s face screw up in confusion, and his mother’s mouth drop open. 

“What’s this? Jared, where is your bed? I don’t understand?” Nancy was quickly growing agitated as she usually did. Jared pulled one of the desk chairs out and swung it around, then stepped to the other side of the room to push the other chair across. 

“Please sit down, okay? I’ll explain.” He gestured to the two chairs, then clasped his hands together tightly, wringing them slightly as he waited for his parents to make their way across the room and sit. 

“I don’t understand, Jared, what’s–”

“Mom, please.” Jared closed his eyes as he leaned against his desk across the room. He took in a deep breath, steeling himself, then blew it out slowly. “Mom, Dad… I… Jensen and I… Jensen isn’t just my roommate. He’s… my boyfriend.” 

Jared darted his head to the side, catching Jensen’s eyes briefly before turning back to his parents. They turned to each other, their eyes meeting and lingering as if a silent conversation was passing between them, though their faces both remained expressionless. 

“You’re gay?” Nancy asked, turning her attention back to her son, her head slightly tilted. Jared forced himself to not look away, keeping his eyes on his mom, and took another deep breath. 

“Yes.” 

“Well, why didn’t you say something?” Nancy bolted up from the chair and crossed the room, throwing her arms around Jared and pulling him into a breath-stealing hug. “All these years I’ve been nagging you about a girlfriend! You should have told me!” 

“Mom… you’re…” Jared pulled away from the hug to look at his mom. “You’re okay with this?” 

“Jared, honey…” Nancy darted a look over at Jensen. “Are you happy? With Jensen?” 

“Yeah, mom,” Jared said, his eyes welling up with tears. “I am.” 

“Then that’s all that matters, baby.” Nancy wrapped her arms around Jared again, pulling him close. Warren stepped closer then, placing a hand to Jared’s shoulder. 

“We’ll always love you, son. Always.” 

Jared let out a quiet sob, gripping his mom tightly with one arm while reaching with his other to pull his dad into the hug. The tears streaming from his eyes, while hot and stinging with salt, felt clean as they flowed down his cheeks. As he stood there, wrapped up in his parent’s arms with his boyfriend looking on, feeling nothing but loved, Jared felt the last remnants of that tingling itchiness he’d always associated with Texas, but now realized was just a part of himself that was scratching to get out, slip away. 

After a few more moments, Jared’s mom was pulling away, and before he knew what was happening, Jared watched her cross the room and throw her arms around Jensen, pulling him into one of her patented bone-crushing hugs. 

“My baby is in love, I’m so happy!” Nancy squealed, eliciting a chuckle from Warren where he stood with his arm still around Jared’s shoulder. 

Jared looked over at Jensen, grinning at the shocked expression on his face as he helplessly returned the embrace. Their eyes met, and Jared just shrugged, letting Jensen know there was nothing to be done but just go with it. 

Once she was done crushing his boyfriend, Nancy turned back to Jared, smiling from ear to ear. 

“Now. Why don’t you boys go get dressed. We’re taking you out to dinner tonight.” Nancy patted Jared’s cheek and gave him a quick wink. “And don’t you think I’ve forgotten about that tattoo!” 

The four of them filed out of the room then, Jared and Jensen peeling off to the bedroom while Nancy and Warren made their way down the hall to wait in the common room. Once he pushed the door closed, Jared leaned back against it and let out a loud, relieved sigh. A second later, Jensen was wrapping his arms around Jared and whispering in his ear. 

“I’m so proud of you, Jay.” 

Jared sank into Jensen’s arms, holding on tightly and just breathing for as long as he dared – his mom would only wait so long before she was bursting in the room and picking out clothes for both of them. 


	20. Chapter 20

After what Jared – affectionately – dubbed ‘The Invasion of the Turkey Snatchers’, life went back to normal. If normal is the mad dash to finish term papers and study for finals. But they made it through to the end of the semester – Jared made the Dean’s list, and Jensen finished the rough draft of his senior show  _ and  _ passed Morgan’s class with a solid B, thanks to Jared’s help. They even still had time for trips to the coffee shop, blowjobs, and teasing Chad. 

Winter break came, and there was no way Jared was getting out of going home, so he said goodbye to Jensen at the airport and flew back to Texas. The funny thing was, it didn’t  _ feel  _ like Texas anymore. That desperate feeling that he needed to hide was gone for Jared now, and he found he actually enjoyed the warm winter sun and spending time with his family. A veil had been lifted and he was able to see his home through his own eyes, not clouded with the negativity and prejudices that he finally realized – he had been putting there himself. 

He finally had to listen to his mom’s lecture about his tattoo, sitting at the kitchen table over coffee one morning with his dad casting sympathetic glances his way. Jared won, though, when his mom brought out the ‘your body is a temple’ argument and he countered by asking her if she’d ever seen a temple without decoration. She spluttered and sighed, then finally laughed and shook her head. “I still don’t like it, but I guess you’re right,” she’d said, coming around the table to crush Jared in a hug. 

Jared missed Jensen that month, but they kept up a steady stream of texts and phone calls, so it wasn’t too bad. Jensen even introduced Jared to the joy of phone sex, which was good, but just made Jared miss him even more. 

Two days before going back to school, Jensen somehow coerced Chris into driving him from Dallas to San Antonio, and he spent the last couple days of break by Jared’s side, getting to know his parents a little better and dodging Nancy’s cooing over how cute they were together. Jensen was supposed to sleep in the guest room, but somehow managed to end up across the hall in Jared’s room both nights. 

Spring semester brought them all back together in the suite, and things went on as usual. Jared studied too much, Jensen spent a crazy amount of time in the studio, and they all picked on Chad. It was a good routine, and weeks quickly turned into months, and Jensen’s show came up before they knew it. But Jensen wasn’t nervous – not in the least – he knew it was the best work he’d ever done. 

Over the course of the semester, Jensen had taken more photos of Jared in the dark, illuminated only by the laser light. He’d been pretty secretive about the resulting photos, so as Jared was getting dressed to go to the show’s opening reception, he found his hands shaking with nervousness. 

“You know, you’re kind of a dick for not letting me see this first,” Jared said as he leaned in for a kiss when Jensen met him outside the gallery. “I’m nervous.” 

“I know,” Jensen replied with a grin. “But it was fun to make you beg.” 

“You suck.” Jared punched Jensen’s arm, pouting, but he couldn’t help smiling when Jensen wrapped his arms around him, even though he was giggling. 

“Come on, now you can see it.” Jensen stepped away and started toward the gallery, grabbing hold of Jared’s hand and tugging him along. 

Jared stopped short when they reached the doors of the gallery, a large sign to the right displaying the title of the show. The background was a close-up of part of one of Jensen’s photos – Jared’s hand resting loosely where it dangled off his knee, glowing red lines traced around each of his fingers – on top of the poster were the words “The Other Side of Fear is Love – art photography by Jensen Ackles”. Jared glanced over at Jensen, watched his face light up with a smile. 

“I’m already impressed,” Jared whispered, staring at the sign again.

“Well, c’mon…” Jensen gave Jared’s hand a tug as he stepped closer to the door. “Come see!” 

The stepped into the gallery room, and within seconds they were surrounded by their friends – Chris, Chad, Gen and Danni encircling them, giving Jensen congratulatory hugs and pats on the back. After a few minutes of chatting, Jensen stepped away from them, explaining that he needed to show his work to his boyfriend. 

Jensen pulled Jared to the left, to the first of the series of larger-than-life photos mounted on the walls. Jared’s heart was pounding as he took them in, slowly walking from one to the next. 

The series began with the first trial shots they’d taken, the ones where the red light barely lit anything. The images grew brighter as they progressed, the laser illuminating more and more of Jared. The lines of light grew more complex, too, starting out as simple outlines, and progressing into surprisingly detailed drawings – a Texas star, a quill pen, an open book with its pages fluttering. 

The final photo was the one that really blew Jared away, though. He remembered taking it, asking Jensen why it was so much longer than all the others – of course Jensen had been secretive and wouldn’t tell him. The image was of Jared laying in their bed, on his side with his head resting on his outstretched arm, his other arm curled into his chest. He was naked, the long, flowing lines of the light traced and emphasized the length of his body from head to foot. What made it amazing, though, was the drawing Jensen had made with the light, placed on Jared’s chest right where his heart is, right over his tattoo. It was not one, but two hearts – anatomically correct, with swooping lines of light flowing out from the arteries and veins. Those lines twisted and curled, wrapping themselves around each other, connecting the two hearts – tying them together. 

It wasn’t lost on Jared, the similarities between what he’d experienced over the past year and what Jensen had illustrated with his photos. At the start of the year, Jared had been in the dark, afraid but still determined to find his way. As time went on, things grew brighter, and even though they became more complex, they also became more beautiful. And there was no mistaking that through all of that growth, he’d become entwined, heart and soul, with Jensen. Jared supposed the same could be said for Jensen – he hadn’t been on this journey alone, and maybe that had something to do with how tangled up in each other they’d become, but he wouldn’t change that for anything. 

The weight of Jensen’s hand on the back of Jared’s neck brought him back to the present, and he realized he had tears sliding down his cheeks. He looked away from the photo to Jensen, his green eyes swimming in tears, too. Jensen tugged on Jared’s neck, pulling them close and leaning their foreheads together. 

“I love you, babe,” Jensen whispered. “And I’ll never be able to thank you for how much you’ve done for me this year.” 

Jared sniffled once, reached up to grip Jensen’s waist and pull him closer. 

“I love you, too, Jen.” Jared huffed out a laugh that was almost a sob. “And you’ve done just as much for me. I love you so much.” 

They both moved, closing the last of the distance between them, arms wrapping tightly around each other. The rest of the world seemed to melt away as they stood there, all the struggles of life sliding away in that moment, just the two of them entwined – nothing between them, not even fear. 

 

THE END.


End file.
